Humor
I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.
Why is Mrs. Grapes 🍇 a good mother?
Because she loves raisin' kids.
There are three types of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.
Why did the cantaloupe 🍈 jump into the pool?
It wanted to become a watermelon 🍉.
Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.
When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."
When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."
What did one cat say to the other? Happy "meow"!
What do you call a burger 🍔 with one eye?
A one giant.
Badass Toilet Paper Company: We don't take shit off of anyone.
What are cow jokes considered?
Cheesy.
Fart jokes are so popular because they are real stinkers.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew.
Sans: haha... Paps: what? Sans: i KNEW it was gonna rain today. Paps: that's nearly impossible, how? Sans: i could feel it in my bo- Paps: OH MY GOD STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sign outside a hair salon: "We'll color your hair or dye trying."
I may not be that good with puns on this site, but I got a skele-ton of jokes. Hey, what's the matter pal, is there something crawling under your skin?
Why doesn't Helen Keller's kid have ears? She gave it its first haircut!
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To get to the other side (suicide).
Why did the second hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flatmate.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."
Why did Steven Hawking's snot not go to heaven?
Because there is no ramp to heaven.
A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”
LAMO.