New Humor - Page 195 - Worst Jokes Ever

Q. There were two sisters. One was having twins and asked her sister to help name the children. If one was named Deniece, what was the other named?

A. Denephew.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words? "System failure."

Why was Boiling Water hired by NASA (The National Aeronautics and Space Administration) to oversee their Space division?

Because it has at least one hundred degrees.

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A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."

I ask my sister why the Chinese owner brings us free food all the time.

My sister said to me "I love him long time."

Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?

Yeah, they're pretty holey.

Q: Do you know why people don't like abortion jokes?

A: Because they leave people with a feeling of emptiness inside.

What happens when two pieces of bread from the same loaf have sex?

They become in-bread.

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N. Oh my gosh, I'm peeing on my shoe, no one knows about it yet!

A treatment joke.

When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.

It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.

A girl named Ranch went to the store and stayed there. Why? Because she was ranched!

Why is the Reaper not funny at all?

Well, he tells dead jokes!

Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.

What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.

How many dead babies does it take to put in a new light bulb? Not thirteen, cuz my basement is still dark. Let's try fourteen.

Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared of being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home, so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"