Humor
The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"
What does the depressed person say to the happy person?
"Damn, I wish I was on the stuff you're on, lol."
Depressed people have beautiful smiles. Okay, it's not a joke for normal people, but it's a joke for us.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the one behind it wasn't social distancing.
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
Because the pond was too shallow.
What’s black and white and dead all over? My Chemical Romance.
I was gonna tell a joke about a dead fetus, but I decided to abort it.
I was gonna do a school shooter joke, but it was aimed at younger audiences.
I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."
What are you good at?
Dying. Dammit, I fail at that too.
Uranus? More like urine is gassy! (Uranus is urine, by the way.)
Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.
Beneath this monumental stone Lise, 80 pounds of skin and bone.
Why did the skeleton have no friends?
He was a boner!
Heheheh!
Ah, see ya soon kiddo.
I'm going on break.
I'll give you some fried snow later!
What’s the difference between a motorcycle and a mutilated body?
I don’t have a motorcycle in my garage.
What do you get when you cross a rooster with a small dog?
A Cock-a-POODLE-Doo!
Two nuts were walking down the street, and one was a-salted!
I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.
—Shane Richie, British actor
What do you get when the queen farts a noble gas?
What do you get when a dino farts? A blast from the past.
Why are ninja farts so dangerous? They are silent but deadly.
Why did Sarah call off the swing? Because she has no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sarah.