Humor
What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?
A DEPPression.
(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).
I would say something funny, but I would have to dig someone up.
How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?
Stop eating caterpillars.
What does "Keo" stand for?
Kick Elmo more.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To Mario.
Daughter: Dad, what's your opinion on abortions?
Dad: Ask your sister.
Daughter: But I don't have a sister.
Dad: Exactly.
Why did Helen Keller have a yellow leg?
Her dog was blind, too.
Why did the tangerine copy off other people's work?
Because the tangerine was unORANGEinal!
What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?
The nun gets pregNUNt.
If there was a quiz on midgets, here’s the Midget quiz and the questions that would be on it:
1. When midgets get high on any drug, do they get high or medium?
2. Do midgets come out the closet or the cabinet?
3. Are Midgets related to Snow White’s 7 Dwarfs?
4. Is a midget just a human without the mushroom in Mario?
5. Was this funny?
What day does Venus like?
SATURNday.
Sans: Why did the skeleton go to the party?
Papyrus: Why?
Sans: 'Cause he was too fat and ugly!
Papyrus: AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA LOLOL,OLOLOL
FICTIONAL BOOKS / AUTHORS
Outdoor Entertaining by Patty O.
Over the Mountaintop by Hugo First.
Plumbing for Idiots by Duane Pipes.
Music Theory by Amanda Lynn Player.
Meterology 101 By Wendy Reign and Sonny Daze.
Oh God By Dixie Rect.
Please Don't Stop By Craven Moorehead.
Life And Times Of A Porn Star By Dixie Normous.
Right Stuff By Dang Lin-Wang.
How To Take Care of Your Cat By Connie Lingus.
Right Way 2 Orgasm By Buster Cherry.
The Unwanted Child By Brooke N Rubbers.
Deja-poo.
The sense or feeling you have dealt with this crap in the past.
The man walks into a bar, reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a tiny piano and a tiny piano player. The piano player starts playing the piano. The guy next to him asks where he got that. The man says there is a genie out on the corner granting wishes.
So the man sitting next to him jumps up and runs outside. He says to the genie, "I want a million bucks." The genie snaps his fingers, and a million ducks appear in the road. The man comes back inside and says, "Hey, that genie is a little hard of hearing." The man says, "Well, did you really think I'd ask for a 12-inch pianist?"
Why did an orphan kill ET?
To phone home.
How to write a joke?
I go 7u7. I said I go 7u7. Get Rick and rolled, my son.
Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."
Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"
Guy: "Yup"
Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"
Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"
Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.
He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.
We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)