Humor
Two nuts were walking down the street, and one was a-salted!
I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.
—Shane Richie, British actor
What do you get when the queen farts a noble gas?
What do you get when a dino farts? A blast from the past.
Why are ninja farts so dangerous? They are silent but deadly.
Why did Sarah call off the swing? Because she has no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sarah.
If someone calls you, reply with this: “Hi, this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?”
It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.
What is a Mexican’s favorite band?
Twenty Juan Pilots.
Rape jokes aren't funny.
This is the true worst joke ever:
What did the person say to the other guy when he met him?
Hi!
I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Pizza.
Pizza who?
Never mind, it was so cheesy.
What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?
A DEPPression.
(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).
I would say something funny, but I would have to dig someone up.
How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?
Stop eating caterpillars.
What does "Keo" stand for?
Kick Elmo more.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To Mario.
Daughter: Dad, what's your opinion on abortions?
Dad: Ask your sister.
Daughter: But I don't have a sister.
Dad: Exactly.
Why did Helen Keller have a yellow leg?
Her dog was blind, too.
Why did the tangerine copy off other people's work?
Because the tangerine was unORANGEinal!