Humor
If someone calls you, reply with this: “Hi, this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?”
It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.
What is a Mexican’s favorite band?
Twenty Juan Pilots.
Rape jokes aren't funny.
This is the true worst joke ever:
What did the person say to the other guy when he met him?
Hi!
I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Pizza.
Pizza who?
Never mind, it was so cheesy.
What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?
A DEPPression.
(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).
I would say something funny, but I would have to dig someone up.
How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?
Stop eating caterpillars.
What does "Keo" stand for?
Kick Elmo more.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To Mario.
Daughter: Dad, what's your opinion on abortions?
Dad: Ask your sister.
Daughter: But I don't have a sister.
Dad: Exactly.
Why did Helen Keller have a yellow leg?
Her dog was blind, too.
Why did the tangerine copy off other people's work?
Because the tangerine was unORANGEinal!
What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?
The nun gets pregNUNt.
If there was a quiz on midgets, here’s the Midget quiz and the questions that would be on it:
1. When midgets get high on any drug, do they get high or medium?
2. Do midgets come out the closet or the cabinet?
3. Are Midgets related to Snow White’s 7 Dwarfs?
4. Is a midget just a human without the mushroom in Mario?
5. Was this funny?
What day does Venus like?
SATURNday.
Sans: Why did the skeleton go to the party?
Papyrus: Why?
Sans: 'Cause he was too fat and ugly!
Papyrus: AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA LOLOL,OLOLOL