What did the banana say to the vibrator?
"What are you shaking for? She’s going to eat me!"
Humor
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
A cow with no front legs walking around?
Beef stroganoff.
What do you call a guy who has sex on the Moon?
An “Astronut”!
How many children does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw.
What’s the difference between an orphan and a baseball field?
One has a home.
Kid: "What's dark humor?"
Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."
Kid: "I am blind, Mom."
Mom: "Exactly."
I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"
What would be a good job for a fat person? A four-chin teller!
Jamal: Dads CAN grow on trees, Joseph.
Joseph: No, they don't.
Jamal: Yes, they do. I've seen it.
Joseph: ... that's not what you thought it was.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
Because he was trying to catch a boomerang.
Mom! (DYM 48)
Guys, we shouldn't make jokes about 9/11. My dad was a victim.
He was the best pilot in Arab.
Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂
My sister's friends are hilarious, like seriously, haha.
I would tell you a joke about my dink, but it's too long.
This is how my mom always threatens me: "I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too." That's why I only have 2 siblings left.
I wonder where the bodies are?
Doin (DYM 45)
There's something on your chin... no, the 3rd one.
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
