Humor
Imagine when you are about to cry at the funeral, then your friend's phone rings.
Then he says, "I'll call you back, I'm still at the die."
My dad has the heart of a soldier, and a restraining order from the soldier's family.
I was anonymous with the previous jokes. I will now go by "I can fly! *falls*."
What's black and white and red all over? A mime I hit with my car.
Man: Hey Siri!
Siri: Yes?
Man: I'm desperate, will you marry me?
Siri: Uh...
*phone literally explodes*
What do dead babies and fruit have in common? Both can become smoothies with the help of a blender!
Three men were going for a drive through the desert. An hour later, the car breaks down. They all take something from the car to keep themselves cool as they walk to the nearest gas station a few miles back.
One guy grabs a hand-held fan. Another guy grabs the jug of water. The last guy takes the car door off. About 15 minutes into walking, the other two are giving the one guy weird looks. Finally, one of them asks why he is taking the car door. The third guy just replies that whenever he gets hot he can just roll down the window.
What did the fat man say as he entered Nagasaki?
Nothing, he just exploded.
Jerry Garcia: I’m going on a TRIP today!
Bob Weir: Where are you going?
Jerry Garcia: I’m already on it. 😯🦄🌈
Everybody was kung flu dying.
It traveled as fast as lightning.
2020 was expert timing.
In fact, it was a little bit frightening.
What did one butt cheek say to the other?
"Together we can stop this shit."
I'm not saying you're stupid.
But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
Philipe Philope.
Wanna hear a joke? My life! Hahahah! Just kidding, jokes actually mean something...
What's the biggest problem with gravity?
It keeps putting people down.
Orphan joke protest idea.
Friend: Wanna hear a joke?
Other Friend: Sure.
Friend: Pussy.
Other Friend: I don't get it.
Friend: And you never will.
BofA deez nuts!
Hi guys! In my opinion, I think your jokes are non-funny! Can you make more sense!
Btw, who writes jokes about orphans? Thanks for understanding!
My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.
What do you call an alligator detective??
An investi-gator.