Humor
What does a shark smoke? Sea-weed.
How do whales breathe underwater? They take a deep meth.
Where does a Muslim like to go and eat?
Allah's snackbar!
Friends are like penguins: if you stab them, they die. 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈
You shouldn’t bully fat people.
They already have enough on their plate.
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A vanilla shake.
Mommy, mommy, why do I keep running around in circles?
Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!
What do you call an army of autistic people with guns?
Special forces.
What did the spaghetti say to the sauce? Pasta la vista!
What is a blind person's favorite color?
Black.
I was watching my daughter at a park. She was playing with a few people. Another parent came up to me and said, "Which one is yours?" Just for fun, I said, "I am still choosing." She looked horrified.
If I make a great joke, I will pay for it.
You wanna know what's the difference between a girl and a refrigerator? "A refrigerator doesn't moan when I put my meat in it."
What do you call a shoe made out of a banana?
A slipper.
What’s the German word for BRA? Keep two from floppin'.
Mickey Mouse went to a psychologist and told him, “I’m having problems with my girlfriend.”
The psychologist said, “You mentioned that you think she is crazy.”
He said, “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s fucking Goofy!”
What do your underwear and the Starship Enterprise have in common?
They are both concerned about “Klingons near your anus”.
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
"What are you shaking for? She’s going to eat me!"
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
A cow with no front legs walking around?
Beef stroganoff.
What do you call a guy who has sex on the Moon?
An “Astronut”!