Humor
What record did Obama prove during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.
What’s worse than spiders on your piano?
Craps on your organ.
This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.
What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?
Returning to the scene of the crime.
What is the best joke of all time?
Feminism.
Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.
Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably go up in flames.
Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.
Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏
Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.
Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!
What do you call it when Panera Bread goes to space?
Good question.
Why did the booty break up with the fart?
It was just too much GASLIGHTING.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A crushed nun!
What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?
Slow natives.
How do butts communicate?
By using CRACK-BERRIES!
What do you call a smart booty?
A wise-crack!
What do you call a booty that can sing?
A crack-up!
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?
Cracking open a cold one with the boys.
I like my wine like my women:
16 and in my basement.
How do butts stay cool in the summer?
They stay in crack conditioning.