What is the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
Humor
Why do orphans get offended by dark humor?
It doesn’t hit home.
Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah, Mary Agnes, congratulations!"
She gave him a puzzled look. "On what?"
"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."
Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."
Why did the pedo stop to help the little kids cross the street?
To get them in his van.
Lil Johnny looked in his pants and couldn’t find his fish, so he started to yell out, "Lil fishy, lil fishy, lil fishy!" They called child support and sent the parents to jail for putting a fish up a child’s butt.
What do you call a favorite joke that isn’t your favorite?
None fave. Foch heads.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.
What’s the name of the band in the gay bar?
A: Beers for Queers.
What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a computer? Ctrl+Alt+Delete.
It’s all fun and games at “take your kid to work day” until you realize your dad is a suicide bomber.
My ex died in an anchorage accident.
She always was a sleeping hooker.
Can you guys comment on my nuts jokes (aka Willma, Bofa, and Savor)? I just want to see if people don't think it's funny.
I wanna tell you a scary math joke, but I'm too squared to tell you.
(I'm Asian so I can say this.) If I say that we are made of money, that just means you can fit pennies through our little eye slits, and we can save them for you in there!
When they walk in and you're fucking... everyone at the morgue.
I hate this website, lol.
I would make a Paul Walker joke, but it would crash and burn.
I love bullying orphans. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?
Why do dwarfs work at Tesco?
Because every little helps!
A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt, she says, "Oh, what chest!" "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby," he replies. Then he takes off his pants, she says, "Oh, what legs!" He says, "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running. He catches her and says, "Why were you running?" She said, "I didn't wanna be in there once I've seen how small the fuse was."
