Humor

Haha, you just saw sex!

So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back...

Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

BBNBHD.

What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?

I give a fuck when my computer crashes.

Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil? It's pointless.

I never get school shooting jokes.

Maybe they're aimed at a younger audience.

Girls: OMG what color should I use, baby blue, light blue, or navy blue?

Boys: blue is blue.

Boy: Will you remember me in a minute?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Will you remember me in a day?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Will you remember me in a year?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Knock knock.

Mom: Who's there?

Boy: Bitch, you forgot me.

My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.

One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.

Your forehead is so big, Mastermind got jealous.

I told my grampa hello, and I said, "Hope you die!" hahahhhhahahahahahhahahahhahaha

I am not a nerd ;). I'm just smarter than you.

What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.

So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.

A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."

¿No sabes el chiste de Pocoyó? Tan Pocoyó.

What is the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a lightbulb.

Why do orphans get offended by dark humor?

It doesn’t hit home.

Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah, Mary Agnes, congratulations!"

She gave him a puzzled look. "On what?"

"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."

Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."

Why did the pedo stop to help the little kids cross the street?

To get them in his van.