Humor

How do you talk to giants? Using big words.

I tried to pull (his/her) leg at the comedy club, but got arrested for sexual harassment. Does that still count as a joke? 🤣

So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.

What do you call an Indian gymnast? Balance Singh.

A Mario & Luigi joke.

What are the Mario bros' view on child support?

Mario: The parents are obligated to provide for the child and help them the best they could.

Luigi: LMAO I GOTTA GO!

Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."

They will likely reply: "What's updog?"

To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"

Little Johnny walked into the bathroom while his dad was taking a dump. As soon as Little Johnny walked in, his dad let out a big FART! Little Johnny said, “WHAT WAS THAT?” His dad said, “That was the sound of the north wind.” The next day his teacher asked the class, “What’s the direction of the north wind?” Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on him and he said, “TEACH IT’S MY DADDY’S BOOTY!”

Haha, you just saw sex!

So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back...

Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

BBNBHD.

What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?

I give a fuck when my computer crashes.

Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil? It's pointless.

I never get school shooting jokes.

Maybe they're aimed at a younger audience.

Girls: OMG what color should I use, baby blue, light blue, or navy blue?

Boys: blue is blue.

Boy: Will you remember me in a minute?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Will you remember me in a day?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Will you remember me in a year?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Knock knock.

Mom: Who's there?

Boy: Bitch, you forgot me.

My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.

One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.

Your forehead is so big, Mastermind got jealous.

I told my grampa hello, and I said, "Hope you die!" hahahhhhahahahahahhahahahhahaha

I am not a nerd ;). I'm just smarter than you.