Humor
The other day I commented a dark humor joke on a post about a guy who lost his best friend. The joke was “I was so drunk last night I threw a mushroom at a midget and said ‘grow mario grow.’” He commented “What the hell is wrong with you?” and I said “IKR I really gotta work on my alcoholic issues.”
He then replied “This is a post about my dead best friend get the fuck off my feed I don’t even know you.” And so I said “Well then get to know me, I could become your new best friend!”
Hey, can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives you two nights in a row.
What do you call an annoyed octopus?
Octopissy.
What's Pee-Wee Herman's favorite Michael Jackson song?
Beat It.
She (DYM 110)
Okay, good night everyone who has common sense! "Akeld," you did not make it.
Note to all.
My name is Lariah. Lariah Carla Brown, 14 years old and I am 1 of triplets. I don't understand how rape jokes are funny, and I just want to make that statement clear. I also hate orphan jokes because I WAS one. Notice when I put WAS! I also see jokes about cancer, now I know you can't be kidding. You know that cancer is a disease that many people get and could die from, so you are just wrong about that!
Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it.
Man: Hey kids, who wants milk?
Kids: Me!
Man: *unzips fly*
Shit, I’m never gonna try to commit suicide again. I almost died!
Me to my friend: I only date suicidal girls.
My friend: Why?
Me: Because that pussy is limited edition.
This video is its own joke. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0
Me: *Calls friend* "Dude, I just fell off a 50-foot ladder!"
Friend: "Bro, you ok?!"
Me: "Yeah, lucky I only fell off the first step!"
Yesterday, I saw a "woman's rights" book in the library, so I put it in the fiction section and got kicked out.
Kid: What is the biggest mistake you made in your life?
Parents: Go look above the bathroom sink.
Kid goes and looks, but then he realizes.
If you get pinched by a man in a wheelchair, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.
They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing, then his friend calls and he is groaning. He said he was having cramps, so the husband tells the doctor, "Doc, turn it up to 40%!" So he does, and his friend throws up, so he said, "Doc, turn it up to 100%!" and his friend dies.
What do you call an Asian who can't hear?
Wha U Sai
Imposter: Did you do Sawcon task?
Crewmate: What's Sawcon?
Imposter: Sawcon deez nuts!
I asked Michael Jackson when did he lose his virginity. He just replied with "HEHE!"