Humor
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces.
Helen Keller is the kind of person to ask you what the time is.
What did the father name his daughter with no legs?
Peggy.
What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are probably built upside down.
What do you call two transgender midgets having sex?
A microtransaction.
Why did the priest want to learn how to play the organ?
He wanted to be able to finger A minor.
What’s the difference between a priest and target?
Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?
It can't hit home.
I make gay jokes because I am a gay joke.
Why do orphans become criminals?
To know what it’s like to be wanted.
What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.
Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.
I know a good airplane joke, but it would probably go over your heads.
The twin towers: No, it won't.
If you don't like my suicidal jokes, sorry man, didn't know it cut that deep.
Is that ass a water barrier 'cause dam[n]?
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."
Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!
What do you call a woodpecker without a beak?
A headbanger.
A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."