I own a gun with Nazi rounds and shot a guy who broke into my house. He said, “Did you just shoot me with a Nazi round?” and I replied, “Do you mean Nein millimeter?”
Humor
What did Hitler feel about all the jokes about him? Führereous.
What is a gun that Africa doesn't have? A water gun.
Funny jokes are like kids with autism.
They have special needs to make them.
What is red and tan and spins for about 50 mph?
A baby in a blender.
How do you know when you're disliked?
When they always give you the camera for group photos.
A man walks into a bar, and there is a line of people waiting to punch him.
Yeah, that was the punchline.
So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging themselves? I guess they lost Hangman.
My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.
Me: But they're not that long.
My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What's an orphan's favorite part of a website?
The homepage.
What's white, yellow and goes 40 mph?
A train driver's egg sandwich.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces.
Helen Keller is the kind of person to ask you what the time is.
What did the father name his daughter with no legs?
Peggy.
What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are probably built upside down.
What do you call two transgender midgets having sex?
A microtransaction.
Why did the priest want to learn how to play the organ?
He wanted to be able to finger A minor.
