Jesus lives on a long timeline, so he may seem slow to you.
Humor
So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.
The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
Joke start.
Punchline!
A depressed guy walks into a bar and says, "Can I get shot?"
The bartender then says, "You mean, can you get a shot, right?"
The bartender then says, "Well... what drink would you like?"
The depressed guy then responds with, "No, I really want to get shot."
I rate it 9/11.
This isn't a joke, but I'm a survivor and use humor to cope. I find these extremely funny, so please leave the people writing these alone 😭
What was the orphan's name?
Jake! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂🤣🤣😂🤣🤣😂😂
What's the same about a newborn and a football?
You can kick them both very easily.
It's not funny to joke about orphans. Without any education, they'd never understand what the jokes mean.
I'm sorry my jokes are so bad.
Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-eight year olds?
'Cause there are twenty of them.
How did 10 die?
Because it was in between 9 and 11.
Moby Dick's father's name...
Papa Boner.
This joke is unavailable due to the National Period of Mourning. Please return to this page on the 19th of September.
R.I.P. Queen Elizabeth II. 1926-2022.
September 11th. #BringYourPlaneToWorkDay
I got banned from the library for putting a book about woman's rights in the fantasy section.
I like women's rights "jokes" because they're all facts.
None of these are jokes... they're all facts!
What's the difference between Monday and a dick?
They're not different. They're both unnecessarily long and hard.
