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R.I.P. Queen Elizabeth II. 1926-2022.

I got banned from the library for putting a book about woman's rights in the fantasy section.

What's the difference between Monday and a dick?

They're not different. They're both unnecessarily long and hard.

What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?

Depends on who's sucking.

This humor is so dark, it's darker than the Black population.

My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"

Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.