Humor

Humor

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A farmer artificially impregnated a cow. The cow said to another cow, "It's a miracle, I'm pregnant." The other cow said, "That's impossible, it's only us cows in the field, you must be joking." The first cow said, "Nope, I'm serious... no bull!"

These orphan jokes are getting old. I mean, seriously, haven't you got something better to tell?

A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."

What time is bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?

When the big hand touches the little hand.

If a blonde and a brunette jump off a building, who would hit the ground first?

The brunette, because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions!

What do you get when you put 2 nuns and a blond on a football field? 2 tight ends and a wide receiver.

I made a joke about putting babies in the microwave and got told I was a disgusting person.

So from now on I’ll only make baby in the deep fryer jokes.

Why’d the chicken cross the road?

To get choked and stroked by Mr. Big Bloke!

“We’ll choke and stroke, it ain’t no joke!”

"I'm sorry, Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."

If two eagles make a baby and two sparrows make a baby, what makes no baby?

Two swallows.

Your hairline and my car go Lighting McQueen speed because he never came back with the milk.

Me: "What's the difference between an apple and an emo?"

Friend: "I don't know."

Me: An apple actually falls from the tree.