Human jokes
What did a cannibal have as his last meal?
Five guys.
What do you call a man who likes rape jokes?
A fucking disgusting scumbag with no intelligence whatsoever. If you actually joke about this, you are the reason humanity has faded.
First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"
HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"
What's the difference between humans and trash cans? One's actually useful.
So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.
Why doesn't Voldemort have a human nose?
Because his snake bit it off!
God- make a grumpy old man president.
Angel- why?
G- cause I said so-name him Trump.
A- okay.
G- make him not pay taxes.
A- okay...
Fast forward to 2020
G- you know that grumpy old man?
A- yea...
G- make him create a deadly virus named after a beer.
A- Krona.
G- exactly.
A- why do you hate humans so much?
G- because I can.
Why are all these pathetic jokes about school shootings?😒 You all are so fucking pathetic... Humanity is officially gone, stupid bitches...
How are a bald eagle and a bald man similar?
Because they both have eyes.
If there was a quiz on midgets, here’s the Midget quiz and the questions that would be on it:
1. When midgets get high on any drug, do they get high or medium?
2. Do midgets come out the closet or the cabinet?
3. Are Midgets related to Snow White’s 7 Dwarfs?
4. Is a midget just a human without the mushroom in Mario?
5. Was this funny?
What's the difference between a child and a book?
One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.
A random drunk person ate poop, but he found out it was liquid...
What day can you have sex on?
Answer: Wednesday. Why? Because it's hump day.
You know what is the worst mistake every human being made?
Answer: Living.
Why did the alligator see a crocodile?
Because it ate too many humans, and he was sick.
My aunt worked as a human cannonball.
I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.
What do squirrels and men have in common?
They always want a nut.
What did a tree do for a human rights day at a tree?
I had no time today after a night with you today, but you walk away.
What is the difference between human rights and the Earth?
The Earth has been to be between two games a year after school, a time and fun game that has.
Why are dolphins so smart?
Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!