Human jokes
When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school.
At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters
'PNEIS'
and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered 'SPINE' are doctors.
What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?
"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"
What did a cannibal have as his last meal?
Five guys.
What do you call a man who likes rape jokes?
A fucking disgusting scumbag with no intelligence whatsoever. If you actually joke about this, you are the reason humanity has faded.
First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"
HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"
What's the difference between humans and trash cans? One's actually useful.
So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.
Why doesn't Voldemort have a human nose?
Because his snake bit it off!
God- make a grumpy old man president.
Angel- why?
G- cause I said so-name him Trump.
A- okay.
G- make him not pay taxes.
A- okay...
Fast forward to 2020
G- you know that grumpy old man?
A- yea...
G- make him create a deadly virus named after a beer.
A- Krona.
G- exactly.
A- why do you hate humans so much?
G- because I can.
Why are all these pathetic jokes about school shootings?😒 You all are so fucking pathetic... Humanity is officially gone, stupid bitches...
How are a bald eagle and a bald man similar?
Because they both have eyes.
If there was a quiz on midgets, here’s the Midget quiz and the questions that would be on it:
1. When midgets get high on any drug, do they get high or medium?
2. Do midgets come out the closet or the cabinet?
3. Are Midgets related to Snow White’s 7 Dwarfs?
4. Is a midget just a human without the mushroom in Mario?
5. Was this funny?
What's the difference between a child and a book?
One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.
A random drunk person ate poop, but he found out it was liquid...
What day can you have sex on?
Answer: Wednesday. Why? Because it's hump day.
You know what is the worst mistake every human being made?
Answer: Living.
Why did the alligator see a crocodile?
Because it ate too many humans, and he was sick.
My aunt worked as a human cannonball.
I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.
What do squirrels and men have in common?
They always want a nut.
What did a tree do for a human rights day at a tree?
I had no time today after a night with you today, but you walk away.