Hows jokes
How do you tell if a loaf of bread has Down Syndrome?
It has an extra crumb-osome.
Adam and Eve are going through the garden when Adam suddenly says, "What race are we?"
Eve responds with, "Ask God, he will tell you." So Adam goes over to a hill and asks, "God, what race are we?"
God says, "You are what you are."
Adam goes back to Eve and says, "We are white." Eve asks how he knew that. Adam responds with, "If we were black, he would have said 'you is what you is'."
Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.
Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.
"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"
"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."
When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.
The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.
After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."
"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"
How do you kill Hellen Keller?
Take her on a walk off a cliff.
How to make white ice cream red... blend a baby into it!
Memes
I asked the emo kid how it was hanging. He didn't reply because the rope was too tight.
Emo girls be like, "How much am I worth?"
Girl, scan the code on your wrist.
You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"
How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?
How do you know the hooker killed herself?
She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.
Why do most clips for automatic weapons have 32 bullets?
That's usually how many kids are in a classroom.
Your mama is so stupid that she put a ruler under her pillow to see how long she slept.
Luigi and Daisy are actually Aussie! How?
They wear GREEN and GOLD! The Aussie Colors!
How do you tell the difference between a girl spaghetti and a boy spaghetti?
Meatballs.
You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.
How do you make people mad? You use the wrong category. It makes them go red.
How many people does it take to wash the dishes?
Only Juan.
A young boy walked up to his dad and asked, "Daddy, why are you banned from coming to elementary school?"
The dad calmly replies, "Because that's how I met your mother."
I'm about to tell a dwarf joke, see how short that was.
How do you make an orphan cry? Ask to go over to his house if his parents are OK with it.
How do you know when you're disliked?
When they always give you the camera for group photos.