Hows jokes
What is the only thing lesbians know how to grow? Cucumbers.
Q: How do you make a pool table laugh?
A: Tickle its balls.
How do pigs kill themselves?
They commit Kermit-cide.
Young man: "Very good money, and how about the name of the stupid young man again?"
Friend: "Dagobert Duck."
Young man: "Ah, I remember. He was the American useless."
Friend: "Ah, you mean Donald Trump?"
Young man: "Yes, just like that! I know exactly how the guy managed to become president. Hahaha!!!"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know how to get to home.
Q: How do you stop babies from being conceived through incest?
A: Cum on your cousin's face.
A child asks his father, "How do you get pink eye?"
Son, I was told it’s from scratching your butt, then rubbing your eyes.
Then the son asks, "How did I get Fungi?" As the father was about to answer, the boy says, "Ohh, so is it from scratching my stinky feet, then rubbing my eye?" ———-Fungeye
Can all the hot, depressed, suicidal guys just text me so we can meet up and cry together about how depressed we are. For real.
How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
She chews before she swallows.
A man walks in to the doctor.
He says, "Doctor, I need a new butt. Mine has a crack in it."
Doctor: How many times do I have to tell you!!!
How do you know a woman is blind?
Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.
How do cows laugh?
Moo-haha.
Man to woman: "Would you sleep with me for one million dollars?"
Woman: "Sure."
Man: "How about for ten dollars?"
Woman: "What do you think I am?"
Man: "We’ve already established what you are. All we’re doing is negotiating price."
My friend said to me, "How do you spell Tom?" and I said, "T-O-M-M." He said, "That's not how you spell 'it's Tom.' You have to take out one 'M'."
So I said, "But which one?"
How did Princess Diana cross the road?
Through the windshield!
How do you know when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?
Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!
How does Stephen Hawking take a shit? He logs out.
How to decorate a wall:
Strip off the paper and original plaster.
Put on fresh plaster and wallpaper.
Paint it (if you want).
Send a bill to North America and wait patiently for a reply.
Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!