Hows jokes
If you jump off a building and yell "parkour," how can they tell that it was intentional? T'was a failed stunt.
How do you anger a democrat?
Don't tell him the truth.
How to not exist: Kys.
Me: Knock knock. Bestie: Who's there? Me: Ben. Bestie: Ben Dover? Me: No, Ben vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx. Bestie: Omg how did I forget, hi vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx!
How are orphans like broken pencils?
Neither of them have points.
Memes
Hi! Welcome to Papa John's abortion clinic, where yesterday's meat is today's treat. How may I be of service?
What is the fastest way to spread a rumor?
Telephone? No.
Television? No.
How then? Tell a woman!
How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.
Teacher: How much is a gram?
Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need.
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
How many times does 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?
I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.
Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today?”
Person 2: “Seven.”
Person 1: “What the fuck, dude.”
Person 2: “I know, right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.”
(Based on an encounter I had recently)
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
I wonder if any of these people are still alive.
Anyways,
When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?
How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knife." "Knife, who?" "How are you still alive? I just stabbed you!"