Hows

Hows jokes

President

How do you find out about the accomplishments of the former president of the United States James Earl Carter?

Read the label on the jar of Skippy peanut butter.

Memes

Cube

How do you piss off a color blind person?

Give them a Rubik's cube.

Corpse

How are corpses like pools?

Once you get in, it's only cold for like a minute.

Orphan

How did the orphan operate the phone? He didn't. He didn't understand the homepage.

Van

How many times does 50 fit into 9?

Get in a van and find out!

Argument

How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.

Pepper Spray

I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.

He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.

Gram

Teacher: How much is a gram?

Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need.

God

Why did God create women before men?

He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.

Ad

Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today?”

Person 2: “Seven.”

Person 1: “What the fuck, dude.”

Person 2: “I know, right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.”

(Based on an encounter I had recently)

Porn

What’s the difference between how you watch porn and I watch porn?

The windows we watch through.

Tic Tac

I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.

It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!

Health

How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.

Olympics

How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?