Hows jokes

When you see an orphanage bully, remind them that no matter how powerful they are, they will never be as strong as their dads... Oh wait, they don't have a dad.

My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.

Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.

She lets him play anyway and I don't.

How do you know if an Asian is a failure?

Figure it out, because they'll all tell you their parents said they were a failure from birth.

How did people bully Helen Keller? They said, "Wow, that was the coolest thing ever! You really should have seen it!"

How do you find someone's hairline? It's simple, you don't.

If you jump off a building and yell "parkour," how can they tell that it was intentional? T'was a failed stunt.

How do you anger a democrat?

Don't tell him the truth.

How to not exist: Kys.

Me: Knock knock. Bestie: Who's there? Me: Ben. Bestie: Ben Dover? Me: No, Ben vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx. Bestie: Omg how did I forget, hi vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx!

How are orphans like broken pencils?

Neither of them have points.

Hi! Welcome to Papa John's abortion clinic, where yesterday's meat is today's treat. How may I be of service?

What is the fastest way to spread a rumor?

Telephone? No.

Television? No.

How then? Tell a woman!

How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.

Teacher: How much is a gram?

Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need.

I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.

He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.

How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?

How many times does 50 fit into 9?

Get in a van and find out!

Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?

I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.

Why did God create women before men?

He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.

I wonder if any of these people are still alive.

Anyways,

When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.