Hows jokes
One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."
How do you make an apple turnover?
You push it down a hill.
How do you find out about the accomplishments of the former president of the United States James Earl Carter?
Read the label on the jar of Skippy peanut butter.
How do homeless people move where they're living?
They pick up their box and walk away.
How do you say "nose" in Spanish?
hmm.... No sé.
Memes
Remember when Calvin wanted to commit a school shooting?
How do you disrespect an Asian?
Give them driving lessons.
How do you ground a person in a wheelchair?
Take off the wheels!
How do you piss off a color blind person?
Give them a Rubik's cube.
How are corpses like pools?
Once you get in, it's only cold for like a minute.
How did the orphan operate the phone? He didn't. He didn't understand the homepage.
How many times does 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out!
How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
Teacher: How much is a gram?
Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need.
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today?”
Person 2: “Seven.”
Person 1: “What the fuck, dude.”
Person 2: “I know, right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.”
(Based on an encounter I had recently)
What’s the difference between how you watch porn and I watch porn?
The windows we watch through.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.