An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like “it’s an elevator not a lift” and “it’s chips not crisps” etc. After a while of this the British person calmly retorted “they’re schools, not shooting ranges”.

What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?

The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

Wonder why the British are so good at chess? They have the queen.

Wonder why Americans are so bad at chess? They lost two towers.

An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, ¨You look like a million pounds!¨ The wife divorced him.

In communist Russia there is no discrimination. White, black, African, American, British and Asian. They all go to Gulag eventually

After getting in the White House, D.Trump gets a letter… … from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:

370HSSV 0773H

All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren’t able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.

One of the agents suggest Trump to ask for MI6’s help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary: Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down.

I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster. —Shane Richie, British actor

The American salute start’s with your hand being facing flat towards the ground on your head. The British salute starts with your hand against your head just like the American Salute. The French salute starts your hands in the air. The Saudi salute starts with you being bent over with a camel tongue in your ass.

British MP Sally Ann Hart has filed for divorce citing sexual unfulfillment. Her husband couldn’t fuck her the way her stupidity could

Only one band is capable of affording the insurance on supercars. UB40!

How did the British lose the war of 1812

They were out Britshed

Roses are red,my name is Dan…tdm,I have a gun,GET IN THE VAN!

Why did the chimkin cwoss da woad? To get away from the british bastard and get the egg roll.

A American goes on a British bus after being in war he wants to sit down so he goes to the back of the bus to sit down but there is a old woman on the seat with her dog in the next the man says will you move your dog the lady says oh you Americans always so demanding and she says to sit some where else he goes through and finds no seats so now he at the back again this time he throws the dog out the window and sits down the man in front says you Americans always do things wrong first yoy drive on the wrong side of the road then hold you knife and fork wrong and you threw the wrong bitch out the window

why do they put barcodes on the ships in norway why? so when they come into port they can scan-de-navian

what did paul revere yell during a full moon? the british are cumming, !the british are cumming!

What’s the difference between an Englishman and a unicorn?

Nothing