British Jokes


An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like “it’s an elevator not a lift” and “it’s chips not crisps” etc. After a while of this the British person calmly retorted “they’re schools, not shooting ranges”.

in Marriage

An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, ¨You look like a million pounds!¨ The wife divorced him.


What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?

The tea bag stays in the cup longer.


Wonder why the British are so good at chess? They have the queen.

Wonder why Americans are so bad at chess? They lost two towers.

Communist boi
in Communist

In communist Russia there is no discrimination. White, black, African, American, British and Asian. They all go to Gulag eventually

in Country

After getting in the White House, D.Trump gets a letter… … from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:

370HSSV 0773H

All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren’t able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.

One of the agents suggest Trump to ask for MI6’s help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary: Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down.


The American salute start’s with your hand being facing flat towards the ground on your head. The British salute starts with your hand against your head just like the American Salute. The French salute starts your hands in the air. The Saudi salute starts with you being bent over with a camel tongue in your ass.

in Russia

Americans: we drive on the right side of the road

The British: we drive on the left side of the road

Russia: ROAD IS ROAD crashing noises follow

in Adult

BLM British Lives Matter


How did the British lose the war of 1812

They were out Britshed


British MP Sally Ann Hart has filed for divorce citing sexual unfulfillment. Her husband couldn’t fuck her the way her stupidity could


Only one band is capable of affording the insurance on supercars. UB40!

in Psychic

I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster. —Shane Richie, British actor

Lesley Mitchenall
in Psychic

The British Society of Psychics annual convention had to be cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances!


why do they put barcodes on the ships in norway why? so when they come into port they can scan-de-navian


What do you call the original immigrants to the British Isles? Anglosaxon