Hows jokes
Blondes like their men how they like their rice: brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.
Konan was having sex on the couch, thinking how he'd come so far.
How are Xbox servers like hookers? First they take my money, and then they go down on me.
How do you know a cannibal picnic is over?
Everyone's eaten.
Guy is at athletic meet. Asks guy if he is a pole vaulter.
He replies, "No I am German and how did you know my name was Walter?"
How is baseball like cake?
They both need batters.
How do you punish Helen Keller? You stick a toilet plunger in the toilet.
Why can't Helen Keller have kids? It went up too far.
How are you?
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
102, if you have some alive ones.
How did the skeleton know it was about to rain?
"Because he felt it in his bones?"
No,
He read the weather app, you idiot.
How do you know when a football player has been to jail?
When he goes in a tight end and comes out a wide receiver.
I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."
Two atoms were walking on a street. One atom said to the other: "I'm feeling really positive today," and the other replied: "I know. I stole your electron." Then the first atom said "How Ionic."
How do you punish blind kids?
Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.
Never let an orphan watch Fast and the Furious.
All they will talk about is how great their family is.
How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!
Why did the rapper smoke dope?
To learn how to drop some DOPE beats!
A boy asked his dad: "Why didn’t you make love with my mom, Daddy?"
Dad: "Because I’m gay."
*Son started making out with his daddy and sucking his daddy’s big peepee.*
Son: "W- Wait a minute. So how did I exist if you didn’t make love with my mom if you’re not straight?"
Dad: "Because you are not real, and I didn’t even have a wife."
The son woke up from his horrible nightmare, and he looked so scared. He did leave his bed to check out his dad, but he didn’t find his dad, until his dad entered the house, and he said to his son: "Why did you look so worried? I’m just bringing some food for breakfast."
Son: "Well, but why are your hands full of cum ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ?"
Dad: "Because I did it with you last night. Did you forget?"
Son: "But it was a nightmare..."
*Dad turns into a monster*
Dad: "I’m your nightmare!"
The son woke up, and he seemed too scared, and he found himself beside his dad torturing him after he discovered he’s gay.
The son with himself: "Wake up, b*tch, wake up, b*tch!!!!!!"
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
How many times does Ariana Grande knock at the door?
She doesn’t, she just uses 7 rings.
Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?
Mum: See the four birds over there?
Kid: Huh, wait a minute.
Mum: A drunk person would see eight.
Kid: Mum, but there is only two.