Hows jokes

How am I an ableist? My ex-girlfriend was in a wheelchair, and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to the 8th floor.

Papyrus: Well come to the underground.

Sans: How was your falls?

Papyrus: G-g-good luck eve-ever ge-getting o-out.

Sans: Give me your balls!

WAIT! I remember how the joke goes! These two cannibals are hanging out eating lunch, which is a clown, you see, 'cause they're cannibals and one cannibal says to the other cannibal, "Does this taste funny to you?"

How do you break up blind people in a fight? Scream, "I put my money on the guy with the knife!"

Why is "Frozen" a good movie for orphans?

Because they know how to "let it go" when their parents went.

How do blondes play real-life Jenga?

By stacking humans.

How do you keep a bull from charging?

You take its credit card away.

How do oysters call their friends?

On shell phones!

How many fingers does the Dragonborn have?

Four fingers and a Thu'um.

How does an American know that his time has come?

He starts hearing Vietnamese.

How to decorate a wall:

Strip off the paper and original plaster.

Put on fresh plaster and wallpaper.

Paint it (if you want).

Send a bill to North America and wait patiently for a reply.

In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.

One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”

I like my women how I like my cigarettes: Smokin’ hot, and with a little saliva on the butt.

How do you tell a child they have cancer?

With a smile on your face.

One dark stormy night when I was 8 years old, I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee. Half asleep, I walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door, I felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically, and the ghostly sound stopped. Terrified, I did what I had to and went back to bed.

The next 3 nights, the same thing happened, and finally, I decided I had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up, I went into my parents' room and woke my mom up and said, "You have to come with me and see this, it's really important." Half asleep, she murmured, "Oh, what is it? Can't it wait until the morning?" I pleaded, "No, you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost. When I go in the middle of the night, I can hear a ghost sound. Then when I open the door, I feel the cold as it swoops through me, and the light comes on automatically." She yawned and said, "Oh, so that's who's been peeing in the refrigerator."

This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.

So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."

Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."

Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"

How do pedophiles follow the law?

They drive it slow in the school zone.

How does Jesus whistle? Through the hole in his hand.

"How was your day?"

"It was great."

"What was so great about it?"

"I saw a puppy."

"Awww."

"And I ran over it :)"

How did Stephen Hawking make it up the stairway to heaven?

Well, he didn’t; they invented an elevator.