Hows jokes
How can you tell when a female was raped? She crossed herself out.
You know how on Snapchat "hmu" means hit me up? A school posted "smu." Nikolas Cruz responded.
How do you know if a chick is too fat?
If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.
How many thumbs down can this joke get?
Joke: Runescape, mustard, tits, Pamela Anderson.
So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."
How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four—one to hold the bulb and three to try to remember the combination.
How do you know if a comedian is high?
Comedian: Why did the wings cross the road? To get to chicken.
How do you fuck a cow?
Find the nearest Karen.
What did one sperm say to the other while swimming side by side?
One turns to the other and asks, "How much further to the fallopian tubes?"
The other says, "I’m not sure, we just passed the esophagus."
How many Lawrence Welk fans does it take to change a light bulb?
"A one, and ah two."
How many Karens does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness.
My friend asked me:
Friend: "How much is your body worth?"
Me: "1 million."
Friend: "1 million dollars?!"
Me: "No. 1 million kilograms."
Friend: "Oh."
How do you start a school shooting at a black school?
Call the cops.
How many Indians does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and wait for the British to come and do it.
A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt, she says, "Oh, what chest!" "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby," he replies. Then he takes off his pants, she says, "Oh, what legs!" He says, "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running. He catches her and says, "Why were you running?" She said, "I didn't wanna be in there once I've seen how small the fuse was."
The terrorists suck at [something]. They lost two times to the Twin Towers? Like, how do you land so far from it? One of them landed in a field.
How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true, and then the person is a victim for sure.
How do make an adult cry?
Stab him 10000 times until the floors are red with human blood.
How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?
The psychologist will thank you for coming.
How can you tell a woman's pussy is good?
You smell her fingers.