Hows jokes
How do you tell the difference between a Communist and everybody else? The way they are spelled.
How many cats are in the human body?
None, unless you're Asian.
How to give a good hand job?
Bop it. Pull it. Twist it. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. You put your left hand in. You put your left hand out. You put your left hand in and shake it all about.
None of you ever touch my penis.
How do you find a redneck virgin?
Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.
How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starters, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.
How do rappers greet each other?
With a "Mic check, one-two."
How do butts stay cool in the summer?
They stay in crack conditioning.
How do you win an argument against an emo kid?
Give him a gun, he'll just shoot himself.
How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but how they got in there's the real mystery!
You know the difference between happy tailgaters and angry tailgaters?
Happy tailgaters know how to throw a party.
What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?
"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"
How do you leave an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow!
How do you get a Pikachu on a bus?
You poke it on.
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.
Question: How did the cat cross the river?
Answer: It didn’t, it drowned.
How do you make Alabama cookies?
Put them in a big bowl and beat for three hours.
[God creating the parrot] OK, HOW ABOUT A TYE-DYE CHICKEN THAT SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU?
How did the orphan die?
Of sadness.
All the traffic stopping the cars, how do you spell that without any R’s?
That.
If there are 12 fish and 6 drown, how many are left?
12, because fish don't drown.