Hows jokes
*bowl of dark grapes*
Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.
Friend 2: Black? Good one.
Friend 1: 21 at a time.
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
How many emos does it take to fix a light?
I don't know because they never came down.
After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"
The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.
"How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.
The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"
I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?
My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.
Q: How do you make a fire?
A: Oil and dead babies.
How many gay guys can you fit on a bar stool? Four, just flip it over.
How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?
The weird moaning sounds when you try to slide in the back door.
Followed by slipping in Kentucky (KY) Jelly.
Followed by landing in deep shit.
Followed by being totally covered in sea men.
My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!
How do you turn rape into no rape? Steal her bank details for money transfer.
I went to a book store yesterday and I saw a book that said "how to solve 50% of your problems." So I bought 2.
How did the USA beat Japan in rapping?
By dropping two of the biggest roasts.
How did Mary get pregnant with baby Jesus?
God fucked her.
How are the faster readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they read 80 stories in 10 seconds.
How do you get a trans woman to commit suicide?
Use he/him pronouns on him.
Q: How to hit an orphan?
A: Hit them with a family tree.
How are guys and tile floors alike?
If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years.
Q: How many more chemo treatments did the cancer patient need?
A: Tumor.
Two friends are talking and one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The friend says, "I was in my car."
How do you piss off a disabled person?
You put the cookie on the other shoulder.