Hows jokes
How do you find out the price of an emo? You scan his barcode.
Is your mom a virgin?
Mine is.
How am I alive?
You tell me.
How many fingers am I holding? I'm not holding any fingers.
A fat man was checking his weight and sucking in his fat belly. A physicist saw it and said that's not how the law of conservation of mass works.
Plot twist: The fat man jumped on the physicist and proved him wrong. Now the physicist doesn't have mass.
Q: How did Helen Keller break her wrist?
A: Reading road signs.
How can you tell a blonde likes you? She ducks you two nights in a row.
Kid: Mom, do trees poop?
Mom: Yes. That is how we get #2 pencils.
One knight, a king, and a queen went fishing. They each caught one fish, so how did three fish end up in the bucket?
One "knight"!!!
[God creating the parrot] OK, HOW ABOUT A TYE-DYE CHICKEN THAT SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU?
Question: How did the cat cross the river?
Answer: It didn’t, it drowned.
How do inmates keep in touch?
They have cell phones.
How do you make Alabama cookies?
Put them in a big bowl and beat for three hours.
How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but how they got in there's the real mystery!
Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young to be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.
A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"
The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."
How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.
I know how to cut down on Medicare expenses.
Lock Alzheimer's patients in dog cages when they misbehave.
How do you call an iPhone cover in Germany?
An apple bag. 😜
Q: How do you know if an Asian broke into your house?
A: All your homework and the Rubik's cube you spent a year on and still can’t solve is solved. 🤓🤓🤓🤓
How do butts stay cool in the summer?
They stay in crack conditioning.