Hows jokes
A fat man was checking his weight and sucking in his fat belly. A physicist saw it and said that's not how the law of conservation of mass works.
Plot twist: The fat man jumped on the physicist and proved him wrong. Now the physicist doesn't have mass.
Q: How did Helen Keller break her wrist?
A: Reading road signs.
How is a beer can and an Indian the same? You can find them both smashed on the side of the road!
How do you make Olaf hard? You tickle his snowballs.
How do NASA plan parades?
They plan-et.
Memes
These jokes are EGGxactly why I became a comedian, and I know how to BAKE on breakfast.
2 jokes in a row babyyyyy!
How can a gay man that is unemployed be productive in the workplace?
Give a blowjob to other gay men in the workplace for money.
How do you find out the price of an emo? You scan his barcode.
Is your mom a virgin?
Mine is.
How am I alive?
You tell me.
How did the orphan die?
Of sadness.
One knight, a king, and a queen went fishing. They each caught one fish, so how did three fish end up in the bucket?
One "knight"!!!
How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.
How many fingers am I holding? I'm not holding any fingers.
How do you make Alabama cookies?
Put them in a big bowl and beat for three hours.
[God creating the parrot] OK, HOW ABOUT A TYE-DYE CHICKEN THAT SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU?
How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but how they got in there's the real mystery!
How do inmates keep in touch?
They have cell phones.
If there are 12 fish and 6 drown, how many are left?
12, because fish don't drown.
All the traffic stopping the cars, how do you spell that without any R’s?
That.
Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young to be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.