Hows jokes
A guy runs into a bar and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”
The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”
The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”
i raped a dog. When asked how her experience was, she said ruff
How do you measure the circumference of Uranus?
By the rings around it.
Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?
Mum: See the four birds over there?
Kid: Huh, wait a minute.
Mum: A drunk person would see eight.
Kid: Mum, but there is only two.
How do women hold their liquor? By the ears.
Work
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?
She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
How many fingers am I holding? I'm not holding any fingers.
How do birds pay? With their bills!
How do you catch a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice, put peas around it, when the polar bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None. They hire me to do it.
How do you ground a Gen Z?
Make them go outside and socialize.
Luigi and Daisy are actually Aussie! How?
They wear GREEN and GOLD! The Aussie Colors!
How does a blind person know they've wiped their ass enough?
How do you know when you have been invited to a gay barbecue?
When you are unable to distinguish foot-long hot dogs from long and thick big dicks, regardless of skin color.
I taught my dog how to play the trumpet on the London Underground over the weekend.
He went from Barking to Tooting in just under 20 minutes.
How can all rape be prevented? Just teach your daughters to never say no to a man. There - fixed!
How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just like hanging in the dark.
A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.
On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.
The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."
The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."
How do rappers make their money?
By dropping dimes.
How many Kardashians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One really small one and one really small black guy.