Hows jokes
How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
“You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”
This is how animals were named.
"Bye Son." *cuts call*. What are we talking about?
"Bison. Perfect."
Do you know how many women have been pope?
Nun.
How does Skeletor feel after He-Man beats him up?
Skelesore.
How much do 2000 pounds of Chinese noodles weigh? Won Ton.
how it started
How do you know an abo robbed your house?
The bins (trash cans) are empty and the dog is pregnant.
How do you sink an American battleship?
Have the French build it.
Did you hear about how that deaf man got a ticket?
It's ok, he didn't either!
How many racist jokes am I allowed to make?
None.
Because I don't make jokes.
One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my Catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closet, being a pedo.
When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours, I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa, she beat the hell outta him.
Serves him right.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.
How do bees go to school?
They go on a buzzzzzzzzzzz.
How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
"m m, ,m ,mbjbjb" is how she spelled.
How do you tell a child they have cancer? With a smile on your face.
There was this guy who asked a girl how much her hand jobs are. "$25k." How much are your blowjobs? "$50k." How much do you charge to have sex on the street? REPLY: "I would if I had a pussy."
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them.
The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died.
The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died.
And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "Make a canoe out of this, you fuckers!"
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.” He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
How do you call a cow’s butt? A dairy-air.