Hows jokes
How can a guy do stand up comedy in a wheelchair?
How old do you have to be to drink? Any age.
How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!
Q: How can you tell if a Western is gay?
A: All the good guys are hung.
How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."
How did Gertie Gorilla make the Playboy magazine?
She was ape-ril!
What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?
— Don't ask me. How should I know? I'm just the drone pilot.
A student asked a teacher, "How do you pronounce this word? It's spelled A-L-L-I-E-D."
The teacher was about to answer, but then the student said, "Actually, I know how to pronounce it. I lied!" (allied)
If you get out of the shower clean, how does your towel get dirty?
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
Some guy interviewed me and asked how it felt to kill thousands of people. I replied, “I don’t know. I’ve only killed communists.”
How do you ride two bikes at once?
You ride them in tandem!
It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.
He was a great vet.
How do people eat bread?
Milk makes you tall, right?
Well how did you get tall if your dad didn't come back with the milk?
How did the chicken 🐔 feel after escaping the fry cook?
Clucky!
How come orphans know how to do laundry?
Cause that's usually the mom's job.
How often do emos go swimming in a lifetime?
Just once.
How do you get a blonde to drown? You tell them the bottom of the pool smells weird.
How on God's green earth does my boyfriend have a phone?
JK WE NEED TO TALK ILL TYPE THE SECRET CODE (YOU'LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.) GREEN PUSSY CAT LIKES BANNANS.