Hows jokes
Q: How do you know when Putin is lying?
A: His lips move.
Me: How do cowboys say hello?
Friend: Howdy.
Me: How do deez nuts fit in your mouth?
Q: How do you punish a blind person?
A: Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.
Hey Gwen, how are you? I'm a girl, btw...;)
I named my cousin's parrot Michell, and then I started to call Mikey "Mikey", right? I'm starting to teach my cousin Sammy how to say "Mikey Mikey" and he says "mekiy meiky" 😆
How did Gertie Gorilla make the Playboy magazine?
She was ape-ril!
How do you talk to giants? Using big words.
Jordan, you stupid ass! Addison never bothered you so leave her the FUCK alone! How about this? Get up, go outside, stop being a jackass, and get a fucking life!
How on God's green earth does my boyfriend have a phone?
JK WE NEED TO TALK ILL TYPE THE SECRET CODE (YOU'LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.) GREEN PUSSY CAT LIKES BANNANS.
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
How do you trap a shape? You use a trapezoid.
You have been accused of stealing toilet rolls. How do you plead?
Guilty or not guilty?
How many victims does Shaw have?
We don’t know yet. It’s four years and counting.
How do you call a man with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
Imagine you go to school, right? You hit the curve, the bus driver be like, "Ahhh, how do I stop the bus?" Students from the bus jump from the windows. One of the students: "That's a YOU problem."
Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?
Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.
What is it called when an orphan takes a selfie?
A family photo.
How do you get a blonde to drown? You tell them the bottom of the pool smells weird.
How do you spot a cow?
With a bingo dabber.
You know how to draw a horse? If not, look in a mirror and draw what you see.