Life is like a game of chess.
I don’t know how to play chess.
Hows Jokes
Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.
How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
How to stop bullying?
🌍: You're so hot!
🌎: How are you single?
☀️: I burn anyone who gets too close!
Where did Sally go after the gunshot?
6 feet under.
*That is how deep they put the coffin...*
I love teaching students
how to make them harm themselves.
Q: How do you know there’s a party at Neverland Ranch? A: All the Big Wheels are parked out front.
Q: When do you know it’s over? A: Only one is left.
So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He had a computer virus!
Two Native Americans
Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there sucking back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says, "How would you boys like a blow job?"
The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.
His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do that for?"
Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting a job!"
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
Want to know how to keep an idiot in suspense???
Adam and Eve had 3 male children, the only children on Earth. How did they reproduce?
Imagine this: You're at math class. The teacher asks you, "What's 11 * 11?" You say, "120." The teacher says, "Wrong!" You say, "How off was I?" The teacher says, "1."
Me rn: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHERES THE RAGE TABLE or something like that.
I went to a book store yesterday and I saw a book that said "how to solve 50% of your problems." So I bought 2.
How to get rid of non-vaccinators: call water a "dehydration vaccine."
How do you see past that forehead?
