Hows jokes
Mary has a house near a forest. She lives with her bro, and she once asked, "How many trees are there?" Her bro said: "I don't know." She said: "Tree."
There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.
When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.
She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"
54 students died that day.
Teacher: Tell me about the history of Tsar Nicholas (blah blah blah).
Student: How should I know, that's his story?
Chuck: Do you have holes in your underpants?
Teacher: No, of course not.
Chuck: Then how do you get your feet through?
Me: I finished a book with 100 pages.
Someone else: How was it?
Me: It's a long story.
How can you help a llama on holiday?
Alpaca your bags.
I searched on Google, "How to start a wildfire?"
I got 39,300,000 matches.
How much does a hipster weigh?
About an Instagram.
Why can’t I drive? 'Cuz my dad never showed me how, yet.
Q: How heavy is a photon?
A: It's light!
I like my women how I like my coffee... HOT.
How does Skeletor feel after He-Man beats him up?
Skelesore.
How do you stun a Scotsman?
Ask them to say "purple burglar alarm".
Asking for a friend, could anyone please tell me how to politely ask a question for a friend?
Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?
Me: I Excel at it.
Boss: Was that a Microsoft pun?
Me: Word.
How did the Chinese chicken cross the road?
He wok-ed.
My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”
Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”
Stop with the emojis. They kinda just make the joke cringy. For example: How many ppl 🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷 does it take to have 🥒🍑🍑🍑🍑🍑???? Well, it takes at least 1 🤷 and 1 👰 and they make a perfect ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤. See how cringy it is. I mean sure, it's a dumb example, but still, just at least less emojis.
Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.
I asked an angel, "How did I die?"
"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."
Me: *gives her 5 dollars* Climb that flag pole. Cute female: *takes the money and goes up the flag pole* Is this good? Me: Hell yeah, that's a nice view.
*Next day* Here's 10 dollars if you do it again. *She goes up there* Me: How's the view? *She goes home and her mom sees the money* Her mom: Where you getting this money? Her daughter: I climbed a flagpole. Her mom: You know he just wants you to see your panties, right? *She goes back and does it again but doesn't wear panties* Me: Holy shit ;-; Her mom: Did you do it again? Her daughter: Don't worry, Mom, he didn't get to see my panties. Her mom:...