Hows jokes
How do stars get their name?
By a black hole because it's sueeeee!
How do you make an idiot say how?
How do skeletons get COVID?
From the coffin!
I don't fuck my mother all day long. I fuck my mother for only 6 hours a day. Sometimes it's 7-8 hours. It depends on how busy my siblings and father are with their work.
POV: You walk up to your short friend and say, "How is the weather down there?"
How are you and an orphan similar?
Both of your fathers are invisible.
How do people grade pedophiles?
1st grade to 8th grade.
(I know it's orphan jokes but still)
Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.
My pencil sharpener when I bleed:
And I don't really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.
Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."
Friends: comments give reason.
Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."
Day later:
Mom: Let me see your TikTok.
Me: Shows her the video.
Mom: calls suicide.
JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.
Blonde 1: Omg! Yesterday, I fucked a Brazilian!
Blonde 2: OMG YOU SLUT
Also Blonde 2: Wait, how much is a Brazilian?
You know how girls say, "I would have sex with you if you were the last person on earth"? Well, who's gonna stop me?
I looked up how fast cum shoots and it said 28 mph. That means that ejaculation is illegal in school zones!
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Mr. Smith had four daughters. Each of his daughters had a brother. How many children does Mr. Smith have?
How do you know when you are dating a cannibal?
You go to the beach, he offers to put suntan oil on you, and the brand name is Wesson.
You are having sex and he says he wants to eat your a$$ and you notice he is holding a knife and fork.
He invites you to his home to use the hot tub and it is heated by a wood fire.
You are having an argument and you say "bite me" and he starts to sharpen his teeth.
*Chatting with a stranger on the internet*
Me: Hi, how are you?
A stranger: I'm fine, hbu?
Me: I'm good. 🤷♂️
"I had a great day today." "Why?" "Because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table and the teacher screamed, 'Allison how would you like it if I banged you on the table?'"
The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.
How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?
Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.