Hows jokes

A student asked a teacher, "How do you pronounce this word? It's spelled A-L-L-I-E-D."

The teacher was about to answer, but then the student said, "Actually, I know how to pronounce it. I lied!" (allied)

How old do you have to be to drink? Any age.

What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?

— Don't ask me. How should I know? I'm just the drone pilot.

If you get out of the shower clean, how does your towel get dirty?

Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.

Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!

There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.

When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.

She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"

54 students died that day.

Teacher: Tell me about the history of Tsar Nicholas (blah blah blah).

Student: How should I know, that's his story?

You have been accused of stealing toilet rolls. How do you plead?

Guilty or not guilty?

How many victims does Shaw have?

We don’t know yet. It’s four years and counting.

How on God's green earth does my boyfriend have a phone?

JK WE NEED TO TALK ILL TYPE THE SECRET CODE (YOU'LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.) GREEN PUSSY CAT LIKES BANNANS.

How do you call a man with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.

What is it called when an orphan takes a selfie?

A family photo.

Hey Gwen, how are you? I'm a girl, btw...;)

Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?

Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.

Imagine you go to school, right? You hit the curve, the bus driver be like, "Ahhh, how do I stop the bus?" Students from the bus jump from the windows. One of the students: "That's a YOU problem."

How do you trap a shape? You use a trapezoid.

How do you get a blonde to drown? You tell them the bottom of the pool smells weird.

You know how to draw a horse? If not, look in a mirror and draw what you see.

How do you spot a cow?

With a bingo dabber.

How can you help a llama on holiday?

Alpaca your bags.