Hows jokes
Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.
Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"
Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.
You know how all zodiacs have hairstyles... well not Cancers.
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
You know how there were like... two towers. I had so much fun playing Jenga in those planes! I WON!!!!!
Memes
How is an emo kid’s wrist like Pink Floyd?
It’s all shitty until you reach the final cut.
You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...
Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
How do adults like their cookies like their orphans?
Homemade.
School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!
Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*
How do planets have a baby?
They have spasex.
How do emo bands prepare for their shows?
They self-harmonize.
That awkward moment when a fat kid says, “That’s how I roll.”
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?
Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.
How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change anything.
I am just kidding, you know gay jokes aren't funny, come on guys.
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
How is sex like air?
It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
How many orphans can you fit in a bag of chips?
One, if the bag is family size.
Hey, how ya doin'?
Well I'm doin' just fine, I lied, I'm DEAD inside.
Don't tell me "it's gonna be alright," I've tried, but I can't fight like this.
Hey how ya doin', I'm tired but I'm trying to fight.