Hows jokes
I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"
You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?
But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Puerto Rican!"
Then the blonde replies, "OMG, you dirty little slut! How many is a Puerto Rican?"
How did the orphan go to school?
Not by his parents.
How do you know when your vegetables are completely cooked?
The wheelchair rises to the top.
Memes
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?
He CRACKed up.
How do you kill time?
Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.
How do you make a peanut laugh? You crack it up!
How do you try to shout at someone on the bottom of the ground?
"Hey, sir! Are you dead?"
Ok, this is a texting joke. This isn't my joke; I found it on Google.
Mom: SON YOURE G-MOM JUST PASSED AWAY lol
Son: Mom, how is that funny?!?! I hope you're not laughing!
Mom: OH NO I THOUGHT LOL MEANT LAUGHING OUT LOUD
There were 25 cows, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
(Ten, if you count in base 13!)
How many people does it take to change a lightbulb underwater? The results are shocking!
How did the shark do on his math test?
Jawesome!
How do poets say hello?
Hey, haven’t we metaphor?
How do spiders reach the internet?
Through the World Wide Web!
People wonder why our generation grew up so sarcastic.
"Hey, how do I look?"
"With your eyes, Joe."
How does the author of Harry Potter get around?
She walks, JK, Rowling!
How do birds pay? With their bills!
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.