Hows jokes
Bro sat down too close for comfort. I told him to move or he would get hurt.
Come on, how hard could it possibly be To move a few inches? You’re touching my D.
A guy really needs his personal space. Disobey and I’ll shove it in your face.
How can Canada be one of the most educated countries when Canadians are unable to correctly spell "analyse", "programme", and "aluminium"?
Q: How do you make an emo kid happy?
A: Give them a Happy Meal.
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
How do crabs honor their mom’s birthday? The shell-abrate.
How many Kardashians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One really small one and one really small black guy.
How is sex like air?
It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
How many orphans does it take to repair a house? None, they don't have one.
Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.
How does the author of Harry Potter get around?
She walks, JK, Rowling!
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"
Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.
School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!
Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*
How do adults like their cookies like their orphans?
Homemade.
You know how there were like... two towers. I had so much fun playing Jenga in those planes! I WON!!!!!
I asked my brother who is autistic how he found his gf. He said on a special website.
You know how all zodiacs have hairstyles... well not Cancers.