Hows jokes
School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!
Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*
Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"
Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.
How do planets have a baby?
They have spasex.
How do emo bands prepare for their shows?
They self-harmonize.
You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...
Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.
how it started
How is an emo kid’s wrist like Pink Floyd?
It’s all shitty until you reach the final cut.
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
What do you call Dominos when it doesn't know how to cook pizza?
Domi-don't-knows...
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
You know how all zodiacs have hairstyles... well not Cancers.
I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"
You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?
But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Puerto Rican!"
Then the blonde replies, "OMG, you dirty little slut! How many is a Puerto Rican?"
How many orphans does it take to repair a house? None, they don't have one.
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
You know how there were like... two towers. I had so much fun playing Jenga in those planes! I WON!!!!!
Hey, how ya doin'?
Well I'm doin' just fine, I lied, I'm DEAD inside.
Don't tell me "it's gonna be alright," I've tried, but I can't fight like this.
Hey how ya doin', I'm tired but I'm trying to fight.
How did the orphan go to school?
Not by his parents.
How do you know when your vegetables are completely cooked?
The wheelchair rises to the top.
How do you make a peanut laugh? You crack it up!