Hows jokes
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"
Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.
How many orphans can you fit in a bag of chips?
One, if the bag is family size.
School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!
Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*
How do adults like their cookies like their orphans?
Homemade.
Memes
no words
How do emo bands prepare for their shows?
They self-harmonize.
How do planets have a baby?
They have spasex.
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
How is an emo kid’s wrist like Pink Floyd?
It’s all shitty until you reach the final cut.
You know how there were like... two towers. I had so much fun playing Jenga in those planes! I WON!!!!!
You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...
Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.
How do you know when your vegetables are completely cooked?
The wheelchair rises to the top.
There were 25 cows, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
(Ten, if you count in base 13!)
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
How does the author of Harry Potter get around?
She walks, JK, Rowling!
People wonder why our generation grew up so sarcastic.
"Hey, how do I look?"
"With your eyes, Joe."
How do you kill time?
Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.
How do you make a peanut laugh? You crack it up!
How do you try to shout at someone on the bottom of the ground?
"Hey, sir! Are you dead?"
Ok, this is a texting joke. This isn't my joke; I found it on Google.
Mom: SON YOURE G-MOM JUST PASSED AWAY lol
Son: Mom, how is that funny?!?! I hope you're not laughing!
Mom: OH NO I THOUGHT LOL MEANT LAUGHING OUT LOUD