Hows jokes
How do you kill time?
Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.
How do you make a peanut laugh? You crack it up!
How do you try to shout at someone on the bottom of the ground?
"Hey, sir! Are you dead?"
Ok, this is a texting joke. This isn't my joke; I found it on Google.
Mom: SON YOURE G-MOM JUST PASSED AWAY lol
Son: Mom, how is that funny?!?! I hope you're not laughing!
Mom: OH NO I THOUGHT LOL MEANT LAUGHING OUT LOUD
How did the shark do on his math test?
Jawesome!
Memes
How do birds pay? With their bills!
How do poets say hello?
Hey, haven’t we metaphor?
How do spiders reach the internet?
Through the World Wide Web!
What do you call Dominos when it doesn't know how to cook pizza?
Domi-don't-knows...
How do you get a party started in Africa?
You put a slice of bread on the ceiling and everyone will be jumping.
Why are Mexican families so big?
They don’t know how to put a condom on.
How do crabs honor their mom’s birthday? The shell-abrate.
How do you find a black person in the dark without a flashlight?
Tell them a joke to make them smile.
How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?
Are you 7/11 or 9/11?
How do you tell when a blonde just lost her virginity?
Her crayons are still wet.
Person 1: "I love KFC."
Person 2: "Yeah, me too!"
Person 1: "How many have you gotten?"
Person 2: "How am I supposed to remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?"
Person 1: "Chicken? What chicken? What do you think KFC stands for?"
Person 2: "Kentucky Fried Chicken?"
Person 1: "What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children."
Person 2: "BLOODY WHATT??"
How did a man kill his car? He throttled it.
How many Americans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon?
4
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"