Hows jokes

So, Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher assigned him to learn the ABC's. So he goes home and asks his mom, who's cooking, "What's the first letter of the ABC's?" He asks, and his mom responds with "SHUT UP... I'M COOKING!"

So then he walks to his sister, who's singing in the shower, and asks her, "What's the 2nd letter of the ABC's?" She responds with "I'm ready to go, I'm ready to go!" Then he walks over to his brother, who's watching Batman, and asks, "What's the 3rd letter of the ABC's?" and his brother responds with "Nu nu nu nu Batman!" Then he proceeds to walk to his dad, who's watching football, and asks, "Dad, what's the 4th letter of the ABC's?" and he responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" Then he walks to his grandma, who's cooking buns, and asks her, "What's the 5th letter of the ABC's?" and she responds with "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!" Then Johnny proceeds to go to school the next day, and the teacher says to her class, "Can any of you tell me the first letter of the ABC's?" Johnny, of course, raises his hand, and the teacher calls on him. Then he says, "SHUT UP I'M COOKING!" Then the teacher raises and eyebrow and says, "Young man, are you ready to go to the principal's office?" Then he proceeds to say, "I'm ready to go, I'm ready to go!" and he walks to the principal's office. Then she says, "What's your name, son?" He responds with "Nu nu nu nu Batman!" Then the principal asks, "How many spankin's, boy?!" He responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" and after that, he runs out of the principal's office while yelling "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!"

I've always wondered how it would feel to put Hellen Keller in a room full of doorknobs... but no doors.

How do you execute a retard?

The Electric Wheelchair.

Why do most clips for automatic weapons have 32 bullets?

That's usually how many kids are in a classroom.

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Fuck 'em.

Luisa: The ship doesn't swerve, as it heard how big the iceberg is.

Captain of the Titanic: Wait, what did you say?

3 minutes later:

Why didn't I listen to the strong one?

How can one make Death Row a little more fun?

Musical electric chairs.

How do you get an emo kid to jump?

A bridge.

If I have ligma and you have ligma, how about you ligma balls? 😏 (It’s all about how you pronounce the end.)

If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?

Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.

Chuck Norris once said that he didn't like the plane he was riding in. Out of sadness, the plane committed suicide. How, you ask? Ask the Twin Towers.

I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.

Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a trash bag?

There's a limit to how much trash goes in the trash bag.

How can you tell that a website was made by an orphan?

It doesn’t have a home page.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

His computer got a virus.

How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?

I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.

How do tourists feed their kids?

Here comes the airplane, here comes the second one.

How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.

How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.

How do rappers keep their breath fresh?

With some FRESH BEATS.

How is everyone? I just started school. Sixth grade, yeah!