Hows jokes
Billy: Hey kid, why are you sad?
Orphan: Oh, I'm waiting for my parents.
Billy: Oh, and how long have you been here?
Orphan: About 200 years.
How do skeletons talk to each other? By the telebone.
How do you make antifreeze?
You steal her blanket.
How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.
How do you punish a blind kid?
Rearrange the furniture.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.
Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.
How much work does a skeleton get done?
A SKELE-TON!
How is spinach like anal sex? If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?
She unlocks the handcuffs.
How many dead babies does it take to clean my refrigerator?.....it gotta be more than 4 because the fridge is still dirty.
If a gay person is vegan, how does he have sex? He will keep getting meat stuck in his ass and in his throat.
Adam and Eve are wondering whether they are black or white. Eve says, "Why don't you go and ask God?"
So Adam goes into the Garden of Eden and shouts out to God, "Are we black or white?" A big booming voice bellows out, "You are what you are."
He immediately goes back to Eve and tells her that they are white. "How do you know?" asks Eve. "Because he said, 'You are what you are,'" Adam replied. "Why does that mean we are white?" asked Eve. "Because if we were black, He would have said, 'You is what you is.'"
How many people do you need to change a lightbulb?
Three. The first holds the ladder, the second one holds the lightbulb, and the third one spins the ladder.
If you wanna really know how to get under my skin, give me a razor and maybe we'll talk ;)
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
How do you tell if a loaf of bread has Down Syndrome?
It has an extra crumb-osome.
How do you win an argument against a emo? kick the chair.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, cause they'll screw anything.