Hows jokes
Ring.. Ring.. Yes this is Dave from the Orphanage, "you make 'em we take 'em", how may I be of service?
I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!
Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?
Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.
How do you know when it's bedtime in the Netherlands?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
How do people grade pedophiles?
1st grade to 8th grade.
(I know it's orphan jokes but still)
Memes
How did the tree get sick?
It got tinsel-itis.
Wood-fired pizza.
How would pizza get a job now?
How do emos like their meat cooked?
Medium rawr.
How did the guys with Down syndrome split the dinner bill? They all made a down payment.
Me: How does this thing work?
ForTnite kid: Oh, you don’t know how to use a pistol? Look, I’ll show you.
ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*
Me: That wasn’t a very good demonstration.
"Hey, hey, Spongebob! Water you doing?" [laughs]
"Just looking for all my coins with my metal detector because beach better have my money!" [laughs]
"How much have you found so far?"
"Y'know what, I'm not really shore!" [laughs]
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
How do clarinet players play a song?
They reed their music.
How did Jesus become self-sovereign?
He screws himself and becomes his own creator.
How do you call a sad coffee? A depresso!
How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.
Why does an orphan never learn how to drive? Because he has no dad to help him.
What's the scariest thing about white people in prison?
How rare they are.
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."
The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?
Juans upon a time.