Hows jokes
Why was Helen Keller truly an inspiration?
She learned how to read and write despite being from Alabama!
How did the lesbian die? Homicide.
How can you tell if a man is straight? You don't have to, he will tell you.
Short girl: "How do you see up there?"
Tall guy: "Who said that?"
I spit my drink out and then ran away.
I'd tell a joke about how my mom was abusive, but I either forgot everything, or she just wasn't there.
How i feel when...
You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."
How do lesbians have sex? It’s too complicated. I’d have to show you.
Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?
Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?
People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal, and one man came up with a great idea.
He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary.
How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.
I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.
How did the tree get sick?
It got tinsel-itis.
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
How old are 9/11 victims?
"There, toddlers, here come the airplane!"
How do emos like their meat cooked?
Medium rawr.
Why does an orphan never learn how to drive? Because he has no dad to help him.
How do you know when it's bedtime in the Netherlands?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
What's the scariest thing about white people in prison?
How rare they are.
How did Jesus become self-sovereign?
He screws himself and becomes his own creator.