Hows jokes

How do you know that your sister is on her period?

Your dad's dick tastes weird.

These two guys were at a bar flirting with these girls. The guy says, "Are you a parking ticket, 'cause you got fine written all over you?"

The girl turns and says, "How about you pay for them, and then I can pay you back with me getting all over you?"

How do you start an Ethiopian rave?

Stick toast to the ceiling.

How were tire swings made?

A tire said, "Goodbye world," and hung himself.

How do you know you’ve been robbed by an Asian?

The house is clean, the homework is done, but the idiot is having trouble backing out of the driveway.

Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.

The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.

The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."

How do you make the world’s greatest Harlem Shake?

Throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptics.

How are this joke and the kid with cancer alike?

It never gets old.

I can't tell what's farther, the Great Wall of China, or how far Paul Walker flew out of his windshield.

POV: You walk up to your short friend and say, "How is the weather down there?"

A kid went to visit his bully, and he says, "How's your face?" The kid says, "How's your parents?" and proceeds to walk out of the orphanage.

Funny how "Hawking" rhymes with "talking" and "walking," and he can't do either.

And the first four letters of his Christian name spell "step," and he also can't do that.

How many skinheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

10; 1 to do it and 9 to back him up.

Many were curious about how methane ended up on Mars.

I'm pretty sure it was because of Uranus.

How did Michael Jackson die?

Because he danced like a zombie!

A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.

Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"

Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"

Priest: "Fuck the children."

Rabbi: "Do we have time?"

Priest: "There's always time for something like that."

How do you call a virgin girl in Alabama? An orphan.

Sister: Hey sis, how are you today?

Me: Oh, good, you?

Sister: Good, 'cause I heard you finally got a good living life.

How do you check that a rabbit is old?

You check how many gray hares it has.

My boyfriend thinks he’s hilarious.

Him: How do you break things?

Me: You break things up.

Him: Okay.

Me: Is everything okay?

Him: We’re a twig. We’re breaking up.