Hows jokes
Why are Mexican families so big?
They don’t know how to put a condom on.
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.
"How would you describe yourself in three words?"
"Lazy!"
How did the digital clock show off to its mother?
Look, Ma, no hands!
How do you know if a chick is too fat?
If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.
Memes
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?
She was too used to grabbing the tip.
How do we know Cinderella is a virgin?
Because she runs away from balls.
Why was Helen Keller truly an inspiration?
She learned how to read and write despite being from Alabama!
You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."
Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?
Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?
How do lesbians have sex? It’s too complicated. I’d have to show you.
People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal, and one man came up with a great idea.
He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary.
How did the lesbian die? Homicide.
Short girl: "How do you see up there?"
Tall guy: "Who said that?"
I spit my drink out and then ran away.
I'd tell a joke about how my mom was abusive, but I either forgot everything, or she just wasn't there.
How can you tell if a man is straight? You don't have to, he will tell you.
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
How old are 9/11 victims?
"There, toddlers, here come the airplane!"