Hows jokes

How do you call a sad coffee? A depresso!

How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.

Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?

Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?

If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?

"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."

How do lesbians have sex? It’s too complicated. I’d have to show you.

People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal, and one man came up with a great idea.

He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary.

What's the scariest thing about white people in prison?

How rare they are.

How do emos like their meat cooked?

Medium rawr.

How old are 9/11 victims?

"There, toddlers, here come the airplane!"

How do people grade pedophiles?

1st grade to 8th grade.

(I know it's orphan jokes but still)

Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?

Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.

My Wife: How much do you love me??

Me: Count all the stars.

My Wife: Aww, infinity.

Me: No, a waste of time.

Ring.. Ring.. Yes this is Dave from the Orphanage, "you make 'em we take 'em", how may I be of service?

I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!

You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."

How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?

She was too used to grabbing the tip.

How can you tell if a man is straight? You don't have to, he will tell you.

Short girl: "How do you see up there?"

Tall guy: "Who said that?"

I spit my drink out and then ran away.

I'd tell a joke about how my mom was abusive, but I either forgot everything, or she just wasn't there.

How did the lesbian die? Homicide.