Hows jokes
I've always wondered how it would feel to put Hellen Keller in a room full of doorknobs... but no doors.
How do you get a baby out of a blender?
With Doritos!
How do you knockout an unorthodox blue tooth?
You get a good connection.
How do you get a depressed person to jump?
Put them on a bridge.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knife." "Knife, who?" "How are you still alive? I just stabbed you!"
You are the special
So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.
There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.
Mom: (Looking through Facebook) How adorable!
Kid: (Looking over her shoulder) What a cute ass!
The kid's mom blushes until she realizes what he was pointing to. It was a picture of a baby donkey.
The real question is, what was she looking at on the same screen that made her blush at that remark?
How did I know where you would go next?
Oh, I felt it in my bones!
Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
How do s’mores communicate?
On Insta-graham.
Why are Mexican families so big?
They don’t know how to put a condom on.
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.
How do you know if a chick is too fat?
If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.
How do you kill a retard?
Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"
How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?
Are you 7/11 or 9/11?
How do you blind an Irish woman?
You put a bottle of Scotch in front of her.
"How would you describe yourself in three words?"
"Lazy!"
How did the digital clock show off to its mother?
Look, Ma, no hands!
How do we know Cinderella is a virgin?
Because she runs away from balls.