Hows jokes
How do women hold their liquor? By the ears.
Q. How does an emo scratch an itch? A. With a razor blade.
So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.
There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.
Mom: (Looking through Facebook) How adorable!
Kid: (Looking over her shoulder) What a cute ass!
The kid's mom blushes until she realizes what he was pointing to. It was a picture of a baby donkey.
The real question is, what was she looking at on the same screen that made her blush at that remark?
How did I know where you would go next?
Oh, I felt it in my bones!
Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
How do you know if a chick is too fat?
If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.
How do you kill a retard?
Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"
How do tourists feed their kids?
Here comes the airplane, here comes the second one.
How do s’mores communicate?
On Insta-graham.
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.
How do we know Cinderella is a virgin?
Because she runs away from balls.
How did the tree get sick?
It got tinsel-itis.
A kid asks his father, "How long is our trip, Dad?"
The kid's father says, "Our trip is a Fortnite."
How do you annoy Pinocchio?
Ask him, "Do you always tell lies?"
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His core i5 Overheated. XD
How do you get two deaf people from fighting?
Turn off the lights and walk out.
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
Wood-fired pizza.
How would pizza get a job now?