Hows jokes
How many Trump supporters does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None, Trump says it is all done and they cheer in the dark.
How do you give a woman from Alabama a nice compliment?
Answer: You say to her, "Hey, nice tooth!"
Imagine this: You're at math class. The teacher asks you, "What's 11 * 11?" You say, "120." The teacher says, "Wrong!" You say, "How off was I?" The teacher says, "1."
Me rn: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHERES THE RAGE TABLE or something like that.
How many Tottenham players does it take to win a trophy? It doesn't matter how hard they try, they still can't win one anyway.
How does a train sneeze?
It goes, "A-choo choo!"
Mom: That's why your dad left you.
Me: Why?
Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.
Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!
Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!
(This actually did happen in real life.)
Waitress: What can I get for you?
Me: I'll have a steak.
Waitress: How would you like it?
Me: Immediately!
How does a cannibal start a wedding reception?
He toasts the groom.
I wonder how many people read this wrong.
Adam and Eve had 3 male children, the only children on Earth. How did they reproduce?
How do you know when Helen Keller is home?
Answer: When you hear somebody falling down the stairs!
A snake walks into the bar... the bartender says, "How the heck did you do that?"
Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.
Me: Mom, if Adam and Eve are white, then how were slaves made?
Mom: Well, Eve and the monkey fucked each other.
Me: Oh, okay.
Goes to school.
Teacher: How were humans made?
Me: Eve fucked the monkeys.
Teacher: 😑
How did Hitler get killed?
With a "NEIN" millimeter.
How do you get a boy to share something? Bring in Michael Jackson's bed.
Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?
Me: I Excel at it.
Boss: Was that a Microsoft pun?
Me: Word.
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?
How to cure boredom:
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
I wonder if any of these people are still alive.
Anyways,
When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.