Hows jokes
Whenever someone calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.
These two guys were texting each other.
Guy 1: How are you?
Guy 2: I’m great. The weather is lovely here. Guy 2: *sends picture of a flying spring*
Guy 1: ???
Guy 2: Springs in the air. :)
How do you get a million fowl?
You run through Africa with a bullet of water.
How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.
Yo momma's so fat, she doesn't know how to play bacon.
How can you tell if a man is straight? You don't have to, he will tell you.
Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?
A: Tell the woman not to wash down there.
Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?
Orphan: I don't know what you mean.
Me: There is no one to give a present.
How do you kidnap Stephen Hawking?
Shut off his computer.
How is the world like a box of crayons?
Nobody likes the white ones.
And a side note, it's multi colored.
I'd tell a joke about how my mom was abusive, but I either forgot everything, or she just wasn't there.
Why are orphans so skinny?
They never learned how to home cook.
How is sex like air?
It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
How much does a chimney cost?
It's free cause it's on the house.
Short girl: "How do you see up there?"
Tall guy: "Who said that?"
I spit my drink out and then ran away.
How do Chinese people name their baby? They throw pots down the stairs: bing bong ching chong.
How do you say "fish" without the "i"?
Fsh
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.