How to respond if someone starts looking at the photos on your phone.
Step 1: Jab your thumbs into their eye sockets.
Hows Jokes
Suicide is just freedom, life is just full of pain... Sometimes if you're gone maybe somebody might notice. Feels like life is a maze and the only way to leave is the exit. Nobody notices your pain, your suffering, and that you try your best though everyone notices your mistakes. Life just feels like everyone hates you. Life for me is just faking smiles, I'm not sure how everyone lives such a good life.
(To a thief) If you like taking things, how about you take my life?
How do you starve a hippie? You hide its welfare check under the soap.
How do u get 40 cigarettes in a pack?
U shove them down his throat. 🤣😂
How do you put an end to MeToo? Just fill those combined showers with transgender women.
How did the rape victim on a diet lose 21 grams?
She died.
How do you help a rape victim on a diet lose 7 pounds?
Kill her afterwards.
It isn't really rape if you speak different languages. I mean, how is the man supposed to know what she is saying? Those could be tears of joy and screams of pleasure.
Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?
Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?
Jonny went fishing and he didn’t know how to cast his pole, and he asked his friend Joe how to cast it. Then when he cast, he only cast 3 feet, and he never learned how to do it.
How do you cut your grass without a lawnmower?
You dye it blue and it will cut itself.
Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.
Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"
Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."
Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"
Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"
Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."
Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."
How are this joke and the kid with cancer alike?
It never gets old.
If you get offended, leave. How did you even find this website, just to make people feel bad?? No.
You are seriously the stupid one here. Also this is not a joke, but the people that do this are.
How do you blindfold an Asian?
You use dental floss.
How do you see the difference between a cow and a bull? It’s either one or the udder.
How do Ephippians celebrate their kids' first birthday?
Put a flower on their gravestone.
Do you want to know how the NY Jets got their name?
Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."
Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"
