Hows jokes
How can Canada be one of the most educated countries when Canadians are unable to correctly spell "analyse", "programme", and "aluminium"?
How many Trump supporters does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None, Trump says it is all done and they cheer in the dark.
How do you give a woman from Alabama a nice compliment?
Answer: You say to her, "Hey, nice tooth!"
Imagine this: You're at math class. The teacher asks you, "What's 11 * 11?" You say, "120." The teacher says, "Wrong!" You say, "How off was I?" The teacher says, "1."
Me rn: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHERES THE RAGE TABLE or something like that.
How many Tottenham players does it take to win a trophy? It doesn't matter how hard they try, they still can't win one anyway.
How does a train sneeze?
It goes, "A-choo choo!"
Mom: That's why your dad left you.
Me: Why?
Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.
Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!
Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!
(This actually did happen in real life.)
Waitress: What can I get for you?
Me: I'll have a steak.
Waitress: How would you like it?
Me: Immediately!
How does a cannibal start a wedding reception?
He toasts the groom.
I wonder how many people read this wrong.
Adam and Eve had 3 male children, the only children on Earth. How did they reproduce?
How do you know when Helen Keller is home?
Answer: When you hear somebody falling down the stairs!
A snake walks into the bar... the bartender says, "How the heck did you do that?"
Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.
Me: Mom, if Adam and Eve are white, then how were slaves made?
Mom: Well, Eve and the monkey fucked each other.
Me: Oh, okay.
Goes to school.
Teacher: How were humans made?
Me: Eve fucked the monkeys.
Teacher: 😑
How did Hitler get killed?
With a "NEIN" millimeter.
How do you get a boy to share something? Bring in Michael Jackson's bed.
Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?
Me: I Excel at it.
Boss: Was that a Microsoft pun?
Me: Word.
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?
How to cure boredom:
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?