Household jokes
Are you a toaster?
'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A: You slap her.
One day my mom told me to take out the trash, and I did. The next day, mom asked me, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "A garbage truck took her." Mom started running to try and get the truck before it left.
My mum said take out the trash, so I took my sister.
When you realize you forgot to mop your room, you hear footsteps.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine! Lol.
I like my women how I like my fridge.
In the kitchen.
The maid asked her boss, the wife, for a raise, and the wife was upset.
The wife asked, "Why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"
Maid: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you."
Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"
Maid: "No, the gardener did."
Wife: "So how much do you want?"
I'm treated like God when I'm home, I'm usually ignored until someone wants something.
My dad smashed my PS5, so I smashed his wife.
What is an orphan's favorite store?
Home Depot.
I respect woman’s choices... either she wants to cook first, then clean, or she wants to clean first, then cook.
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?
Give her a shovel.
What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?
Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.
(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
Oh wait, I'm thinking of...
Why can't orphans eat at a family restaurant?
Because there is no family.
(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”
And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”
What's big and white and can't climb trees?
A fridge.
Where do orphans shop for home appliances?
I believe in a woman's right to choose...
...whether she wants to cook first and then clean or clean first and then cook.