Household jokes
Father: I am taking your toys to the orphanage.
Son: Why?
Father: You’ll need them there.
One day my mom told me to take out the trash, and I did. The next day, mom asked me, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "A garbage truck took her." Mom started running to try and get the truck before it left.
My mum said take out the trash, so I took my sister.
Why can't an orphan have milk?
His dad didn't come back with the milk.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine! Lol.
When you realize you forgot to mop your room, you hear footsteps.
My dad smashed my PS5, so I smashed his wife.
I believe in a woman's right to choose...
...whether she wants to cook first and then clean or clean first and then cook.
I like my women how I like my fridge.
In the kitchen.
The maid asked her boss, the wife, for a raise, and the wife was upset.
The wife asked, "Why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"
Maid: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you."
Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"
Maid: "No, the gardener did."
Wife: "So how much do you want?"
I'm treated like God when I'm home, I'm usually ignored until someone wants something.
What is an orphan's favorite store?
Home Depot.
Where do orphans shop for home appliances?
(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”
And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”
What's big and white and can't climb trees?
A fridge.
Why can't orphans eat at a family restaurant?
Because there is no family.
What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?
Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.
(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?
Give her a shovel.
I respect woman’s choices... either she wants to cook first, then clean, or she wants to clean first, then cook.
What's an orphan's favorite store?
Ashley Home Store.