Household jokes
I like my women how I like my fridge. In the kitchen.
what's another name for cumming inside of a woman?
loading the dishwasher.
What sucks but doesn't suck? Vacuums!
Why can't the orphan eat Doritos?
They were all family sized!
What is an orphan's least liked meal? Family dinner.
lol so so so true
My water was leaking, so I used Flex Tape. Now I don't know where to shower. Thanks, Phil!
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
My son asked me how I'm so clean, "inside out." I told him because of bleach. The next day, I found him drinking the bleach.
How do you know when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb? Well, obviously not 10; my basement's still dark.
Why don't I poop Windex? Because I Pledge to do my doodie!
Put some Windex on it.
What TV shows do orphans not like?
"Family Guy."
My wife asked me to please quit singing "Wonderwall" in the shower.
I said, "Maybe."
Why can’t an orphan eat a bag of chips?
Because it was family size.
Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.
When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."
When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."
How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.
I have to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.
Your family.
How do you make a blind girl smile? Leave the plunger in the toilet.
How do you get a dishwasher to shovel snow? Give the bitch a shovel.