Household

Household jokes

Baby

What's red and bubbly and scratches at the microwave glass?

A baby in the microwave!

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  • Candy

    When you ask your mom for candy but you grab from the wrong drawer...

    Lightbulb

    How many children does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Not 15, as my basement's still dark.

    Woman

    Women should have the right to choose whether they want to do cooking or cleaning first.

    Ladder

    I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.

    Oh wait, I'm thinking of...

    Fork

    What’s the difference between a puppy and a fork?

    I don’t microwave forks.

    Baby

    What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange?

    I don't keep a trash bag full of oranges in my basement.

    Fridge

    My wife left a note on the fridge. The note read, "It's not working." I don't know what she's talking about. I opened the fridge, and it worked fine!

    Wife

    How do you know when your wife is dead?

    The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.

    Motherhood

    Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.

    Water

    My water was leaking, so I used Flex Tape. Now I don't know where to shower. Thanks, Phil!

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  • Fridge

    Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.

    Orphan

    How many orphans does it take to change a light bulb?

    Obviously more than three because my basement is still dark.