How many children does it take to change a lightbulb.
Not 15, as my basements still dark
Women should have the right to choose whether they want to do cooking or cleaning first.
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown end up cleaning everyone's messes.
My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.
I sold my vacuum the other day. All I got was dust and my moms wig
Stephen only died because his wife tripped over the power cord
Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window. When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food." When the man looked confused, the owner said; "Windows are nature's vending machine."
What company do orphans hate the most?
Sc Johnson a family company
HOW DID A MAN KNOW HIS WIFE DIED DISHIS START PILIENG UP
I could never forget my grandfathers last words. "Stop shaking the ladd-"
Who do you ask to wipe you? Your Butler
How many babies does it take to replace a light bulb? I'm guessing more than 10 cause its still dark in my basement.
What's the difference between your mom and your dad one leaves your life to go get milk and the other cleans up after you, feeds you, and does your laundry
Said the man angered to his wife: Now stopp the dann suicide trys! Just look at the gasbill!?
When your mom comes in at night then sees your... Sleeping, but sees something moving so she gets a chair and wacks it then she says" I thought it was a mouse 🐁"
Your family
I saw some toilet paper rolls rolling in the wind. So I called “TOLIET PAPERS ROLLING IN”
Once upon a time there was a poor man, a middle class man, and a rich man. They were all talking about how they found happiness in their lives. The rich man said "I found happiness through money and all of my assets." The middle class man said "I found happiness through my steady job and my loving household." The poor man said "I may not have much, but I find my happiness through the little acts of kindness people show me." And then the wall fell on them.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Heres a Song That Describes My Old Life-By-watersharky Productions- My buddies think I'm on the lake Boss thinks I've been sick for days And mama's probably on her way 'Cause I ain't picked up the phone I've been a million places But they're all up in my head Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left I've been gone, I've been gone I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane Sadder than a country song Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way Ever since you moved on, I've been gone Took a trip down memory lane Checked into hotel heartbreak Passed rock bottom on the way Without leaving my living room I've been a million places But they're all up in my head Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left I've been gone, I've been gone I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane Sadder than a country song Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way Ever since you moved on, I've been gone Yeah I've been gone All the clothes are on the floor All the mail's by the door All the whiskey bottles in my bed All the dishes in the sink All the gas is in the tank All the neighbors probably think I'm dead I've been gone, I've been gone I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane Sadder than a country song Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way Ever since you moved on, I've been gone (ooh, ooh) I've been gone (ooh, ooh) Gone
