Household jokes
What’s the difference between a puppy and a fork?
I don’t microwave forks.
What company do orphans hate the most?
S. C. Johnson, a family company.
Women should have the right to choose whether they want to do cooking or cleaning first.
Why can't orphans eat a big bag of crisps?
'Cause it's family size...?!
What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?
Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.
(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)
Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.
What do you call a woman covered in mud? A dirty dishwasher.
I respect woman’s choices... either she wants to cook first, then clean, or she wants to clean first, then cook.
What did Pavol Demitra think before the Yaroslavl plane hit the ground?
"Oh shit, did I leave the stove on at home?"
Don't you hate it when you do the dishes, but then you realize it wasn't the dishes?
A: What's the difference between a toilet and a washing basin?
B: I don't know.
A: Then I guess your house looks beautiful...
B: ...
The Tupperware people came to our house. They asked my wife, "Where's the kitchen?"
Sorry, I have only lived here for 3 months, but my jewelry is upstairs in my jewelry box located in my bedroom.
My dad smashed my PS5, so I smashed his wife.
Why can’t orphans eat a big bag of chips?
They are family sized.
Why did the computer catch cold?
It left a window open.
Mom: I'm going to the shop. If someone is at the door, don't open it.
Me: Ok.
*Ring*
Me: Opens the door.
Oh sh*t!
Mom: Gets flip flop.
Said the man angered to his wife:
"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"
What TV shows do orphans not like?
"Family Guy."
I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."
(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”
And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”