Household jokes
Why did your father go away?
'Cause he needs da milk.
What is an orphan's least favorite show?
"Fuller House."
Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.
When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."
When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."
When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."
What’s an orphan’s favorite Netflix show?
Fuller House.
Being an orphan isn’t all bad.
On the bright side, all your snacks are family sized.
What's the difference between me and an orphan's parents?
I actually come back with the milk.
I could never forget my grandfather's last words. "Stop shaking the ladd-"
The other day all those toilet papers came by my house and asked do I have any crack candy. Naw, I don't have no damn crack candy or no crack apples. All I have here in the backyard is a peanut butter crack sandwich. Help yourself, and while you're at it, clean up all the damn doggie dodo that's everywhere. Thank you, Mr. Toilet Papers.
What did the plug hole say to the plug? "We are so in sync."
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.
I saw some toilet paper rolls rolling in the wind.
So I called, "Toilet Papers Rolling In!"
Why can't orphans eat chips?
'Cause they're family sized!
Mommy, Mommy! Are we dragons?
Shut up and don’t breathe on the drapes.
Why can't orphans have a big bag of chips?
Because they're family sized!
A few male neighbors came over to the house to take a shower because, for some reason, their house didn't have water.
A few minutes later, I walk into the shower. I see the male neighbors and Mom taking a shower together. Then I said, "What are you doing?" They all say, "We're taking a shower together so we could save water."
Once upon a time, there was a poor man, a middle-class man, and a rich man. They were all talking about how they found happiness in their lives. The rich man said, "I found happiness through money and all of my assets." The middle-class man said, "I found happiness through my steady job and my loving household." The poor man said, "I may not have much, but I find my happiness through the little acts of kindness people show me."
And then the wall fell on them.
There is an upside to being an orphan.
Every bag of chips is family size.
What is an orphan's favorite store?
Home Depot.
Is your oven running?
Then you better go catch it!