Hospital jokes
White people be like, "Less bomb Ukraines hospitals and schools!"
Hahaha, dumb white people!
What do you do when you finish a magazine at a hospital?
Reload and keep shooting.
My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.
Did you hear about the "Funny Doctor"?
He'll have you in "Stitches"!
Am I the only one here that actually tried to kill myself 15 times and failed every time and landed up in the hospital every time?
...maybee
Doctor: I can't treat you.
Orphan: Why!
Doctor: I'm a family doctor.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because she was crummy.
What did the toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed.
What has 1 head, 1 foot, and 4 legs? A bed.
So there’s this air purifier in my room, right? It’s really noisy, so I unplugged it to sleep better, and sure enough, I fell asleep faster. So I came to the conclusion: if I unplug noisy machines, people will sleep better.
It worked really well in my local hospital.
What do you call a doctor that's a skeleton?
Doctor Bones.
Why is it painful to have your attorney with you in the hospital?
The damages are severe.
What happened to the gator when he walked into the hospital?
He became Gatorade.
He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
Why can’t orphans go to the hospital? Because they don’t get homesick.
A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.
Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."
Woman: "What's the bad news?"
Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"
Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"
Dr: "It's dead!"
I work on medicine; my job is to smell it to see if it's bad :)
Where do you take Stephen Hawking: to the hospital, or PC World?
My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.
I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?
Chinese Names - Annie Wan (Anyone)
Caller: "Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?"
Operator: "Yes, you can speak to me."
Caller: "No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!"
Operator: "You are talking to someone! Who is this?"
Caller: "I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent."
Operator: "I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?"
Caller: "Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one) got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital."
Operator: "Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious, but I don't have time for this!"
Caller: "You are so rude! Who are you?"
Operator: "I'm Saw Lee (Sorry)."
Caller: "Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!"
A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system.
He agrees and the doctors turn the dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby and the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.