How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital? Throw a strob light in the epileptic ward
Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep. There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patient to sleep, so I unplug them.
are you a mental hospital? cause I need to be in you
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep. There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals? Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
Today, I operated on a little girl, she needed O- negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O- negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “so when will I die”? she thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
roses are red, I'm not a boaster. Elon must got rushed to hospital after impregnating toaster.
Michael Jackson goes to the doctor.
Michael Jackson: "Help, doctor, I've been shot!" Doctor: "I can't fix that, but I can change your skin color so it doesn't happen again."
why is it cold in hospitals?....... to keep the vegetables cold and fresh
whats the fastest way to get to the hospital? stand in the middle of the road
I got kicked out of the hospital.
Apparently, the sign "Stroke patients here" meant something totally different.
Man: Doctor where are you taking me Doctor: to the morgue Man: but I’m not dead yet Doctor: are we there yet
I turned the light on and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.
in the hospital i saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep the icu was going beep beep beep i think thats why she cant sleep so I turned it of shes asleep forever now nighty night
"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O.'"
Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.
What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit scucide. (YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)
