Home jokes

I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.

What do you call an orphanage that's not an orphanage?

A homeless shelter.

Why can't orphans see all these jokes on this website that we're posting?

'Cause they don't know where the home page is.

What did the cholo say when the house fell on him?

"Get off me, homes!"

How do you punish Helen Keller? Just move the couch.

I love you.

Orphans have no home.

What is the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?

A refrigerator doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.

Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.

If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.

A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.

She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"

Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.

My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.

My dogs pooped in my shoes? Pooper.

Why was the orphan so successful?

When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.

I'm making a website for orphans. [I] won't add the home page.

What's the difference between you and my dad? You come home.

My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.

We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!

Why can't orphans play baseball?

'Cause they can't find home.

When your grades get mailed to your house when you expect to get them in school.

When you get home, your mom is there with the belt, going 1k miles per hour.

Why do orphans say, "Go big or go home?"

So that way they feel important.