Home jokes
I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"
After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"
The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.
"How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.
The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"
What's red, small, wet, and crawls up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
This dwarf was being mean to me, so I said, "When you get home, I hope Snow White kicks the shit out of you."
I went home one day. My mom said, "Look what a few guys got me." It was a MILF trophy.
My mom asked what does that mean. So I said, "Mom's I'd Like To Fuck." Then my mom said, "These guys want to fuck me?" I said, "Yeah." Then my mom said, "I still got it!"
Where do orphans shop? Home Depot.
There's one shop orphans can't go to, but what is it?
Home Depot.
What's your favorite place that orphans can't go to?
Home.
Sonic says: "Gotta go fast!"
The Hulk SMASH!
Orphan says: "Gotta go home!"
Please read all of it. I know it's long, please read all of it.
This dad heard his daughter praying. As she was praying, she came to an end: "Goodnight grandma, goodbye grandpa, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad didn't think about the grandpa part and headed to bed. The next morning, the mom and dad heard that the grandpa died. The dad thought it was just coincidence, so he carried on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye grandma, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." After he heard "goodbye grandma," his facial expression changed, and he went straight to bed. The next morning, the grandma died out of nowhere. The dad began to worry and continued on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad got scared, so he had a plan to go to work and stay hidden there. So that's what he did. When he got home the next day, his wife asked where he had been, and he replied back, "Sorry honey, I had a horrible day today." She replied back saying: "Oh, you think you had a bad day? The mailman just died on the front porch this morning!" If you get it, you get it.
I killed a homeless dude, now she's at the funeral home. 😭💔
Me: I just came home from Africa, and guess what I saw.
Friend: I don't know.
Me: A black market.
How come yo mama did not come straight home from work last night? Because her daughter had sex with her boyfriend and got drunk.
Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.
I'm treated like God when I'm home, I'm usually ignored until someone wants something.
What does Johnny Depp do when his kids are not home?
Cocaine.
Why are orphanages like dogs?
Because they get adopted.
What is an orphan's favorite store? Home Depot.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.
Q: If there were two moo cows walking down the street, where would they be going?
A: Home to see their mama!