Home jokes

I love you.

How are orphans like Spider-Man?

No way home.

Why do orphans get iPhones 11?

Because it has no home page.

I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.

Orphans have no home.

What do you call an orphanage that's not an orphanage?

A homeless shelter.

Why can't orphans see all these jokes on this website that we're posting?

'Cause they don't know where the home page is.

What did the cholo say when the house fell on him?

"Get off me, homes!"

What is the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?

A refrigerator doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.

Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.

If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.

A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.

She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"

I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.

I decided to go home.

"Karma is the guy on the Chiefs, Coming straight home to me."

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.

This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"

How is a marriage like a hurricane?

In the beginning, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, but at the end, you lose your house.

A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."

A boy throws his bag out the window.

The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"

The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."

Why is the iPhone X best for orphans?

There is no home button.

I was asked to design a website for an orphanage, so I decided to design it without the home page.

An orphan comes up to me and says, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."