Home jokes

What is the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?

A refrigerator doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.

Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.

If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.

Somebody told me that black slang is just white slang in reverse. For example:

White person: Dad, you're home!

Black person: Dad?

White person: You can keep the change.

Black person: Empty the register.

Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.

This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"

Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.

What is an orphan's least favorite store? Home Depot.

Girl: Come over.

Orphan: I can’t.

Girl: My parents aren’t home.

Orphan: Oh, cool, something we have in common.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

They have no home to run to.

I was asked to design a website for an orphanage, so I decided to design it without the home page.

What food has an orphan made?

Homemade food.

Your eyebrows are far from home just like your dad.

Your mum so fat, she broke the stairs down to the fridge.

Why shouldn't orphans get a phone?

They would get stuck in an app because they can't find the home button.

Why is an orphan's favorite movie Spider-Man: No Way Home?

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.

How is a marriage like a hurricane?

In the beginning, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, but at the end, you lose your house.

"Karma is the guy on the Chiefs, Coming straight home to me."

At what point does a joke become a dad joke?

When it disappears and never returns home.

An orphan comes up to me and says, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."