Home jokes

Why would you leave a damn gorilla out in the middle of the parking lot after you let the zookeeper bring a chimpanzee home from the zoo because me and the gorilla had too much to drink?

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”

I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door, and it’s working fine!

A man has the power to grant anyone a wish they want.

A kid comes up and says, "I want to be like Batman!"

The man smiles and grants his wish. The child goes home and finds that he is now an orphan.

What might an aborted child want for Christmas?

..... a home that isn't a bin.

Why can’t orphans be gay?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

Dear Orphans,

I have a better orphanage for you. It's my basement :)

No wonder some of the phones today have no home buttons.

The makers were orphans.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they don't know where home is.

A man and a child walk into the woods. The child turns to the man and says, "Mister, can we go home? It's getting late, and I'm scared to walk home."

The man turns to the child and says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone!"

One day, I sit in the lounge on a chair.

Hi, how are you? Busy, busy today and tomorrow. I have to go home from home and walk home. Walk and a bike. Walk, walk, and a bike to school tomorrow night. I have to have lunch with my mom and dad, and I have dinner with you tonight.

How to make an orphan die?

Tell them to yell until their folks come home.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."

What's the difference between an orphan and a Chinese kid?

The Chinese kid has a home.

Some moving men had just begun their day's work.

The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.

The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."

The man was absolutely delighted to find that every lamp in his house was stolen.

What is the difference between an American and an orphan?

They don't have a home to get their guns.

What makes it cold in a room? Air conditioning.

Why can orphans only use Samsung?

Because they don't have a home button.

Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"