Home jokes
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?
It can't hit home.
An elderly woman and an elderly man were at a retirement home.
The man was shuffling a deck of cards for a card game.
The man asks, "Is it your first time?"
The woman replies, "It's been a while since a man has asked me that."
My mom told me she couldn't open the garage door. Then it opened up to me that it wasn't broke anymore.
What is the difference between a human and a house? A human can walk, and a house cannot walk.
What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?
When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."
What makes a child an orphan?
Their parents left them for good. :D
Orphan: Have you seen my mommy?
Person: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes?
Person: SON SON??? IS THAT YOU MY LOVE?
Orphan: MOTHER!
Person: Let's go home!
Orphan: Uhhhh
*She was never to be seen again*
My wife and I were at the park with our little princess today.
We decided to go back home, then some jerk had the nerve to shout, "Stop those two! They have my daughter!"
Person: Where's your mom and dad?
Orphan: :(
Why do orphans have to be homeschooled?
Because they can't be home schooled.
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
A woman comes from a restaurant and ate a lot of beans.
When she gets home, her husband puts a blindfold on her and says not to take it off. The lady hears her husband leave the room and starts farting really loudly. When the husband comes back and takes off the blindfold, the lady sees 12 people with pegs on their noses singing happy birthday!
One day, I was sitting on my couch watching YouTube when I heard a knock on the door. I opened the door, and to my surprise, it was my dad. I haven't seen him in 16 years, so I let him in. I noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand, and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge.
Then he walked towards me and said, "Oh no! I forgot the cereal!" Then he walked out the door and drove away. I never saw him again.
When your husband can’t afford a punching bag, he uses his wife.
Why do orphans start fights?
Because they don't get in trouble at home.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
"I don't want to go on my at-home history."
- My friend, anon 2019.
Why can orphans only use Samsung?
Because they don't have a home button.
What is the best way to run away from home?
Join the military.
How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.