How do you know a woman is blind?
Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.
My principal called my mom at school and said, "You should teach your son well." After coming back home, at first she taught me sex!
Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because he doesn't know where home is.
Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won’t believe it! Little Johnny just pulled out his PP in class." The mother responded, "Well, what did it look like?" Sally said, "It looks like a peanut." The mother said, "Oh, it was small." "No, it was salty," said Sally.
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”
why cant orphane play baseball? they cant find home
What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.
Why do orphans always have the newest iPhone?
Because it doesn’t have a home button.
What do you call a house party for slaves In auction house
me: are you an orphan? orphan: yes how did you know and what gave me away? me: where's your parents? orphan: died and i have a phone why? me: because it has a home button.
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button!
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
Why can’t orphans have phones Because it has a home button
Why don’t orphans play baseball Because they can’t get a home run
Welcome to alexs orphanage, you make em, we take em.
Why can't orphans have cookies?
They are home made.
Hey, pass me that crow bar please.
Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home
(credit to Ryan Lombard (I think that’s his name) from YouTube shorts, I loved this dad joke/pun)
Went home with a woman last night, I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel
I say Mongrel, it was her Downsyndrome Son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.
What’s missing from an orphan's iPad?
The home button.
The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.
One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”
“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”
“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”
One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.
He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.
So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"
