Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
Me: Pretend your name is “puberty.”
Friend: Ok?
Me: I'mma hit puberty!
*hits my friend*
Why did the orphan cross the road?
So he can be hit by a car and be reunited with his parents.
Yo, your hairline so messed up God said your hairline on the cross getting hit on that cross.
What keeps an emo kid from hitting the ground?
The rope.
How do you make a trash can leak?
Hit it with an axe until it becomes part of the cosmos!
The next time I knock on your door, I'll hit you instead of the door.
2001 called... they hit the Pentagon.
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
I just competed in a wrestling tournament. The first guy hit me harder than my dad’s belt.
Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.
Man's friend: Same.
Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.
Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.
Man: Oh great heavens!
What hit the ground first in 9/11? The people.
One day, I was just chillin', being a tower. I saw a plane, but it was slowly growing.
Then it hit me.
He said he like Neymar so HIT THAT BOY LIKE FROM THE BACK!
My Mrs is going to hit the roof when she realizes I've replaced the bed with a trampoline!
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
If you're bored, just go hit an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Your mama is so fat and stupid. She got hit by a school bus. Her reply was, "Who threw that Twinkie at me?"
An apple and an emo girl fall from the same height in a tree. Which one hits the ground first? The apple, cuz the noose stops her.
After you read this post, you will forget you were gay.
