Hit jokes

Knock, knock.

(Who’s there?)

It’s the police, ma’am, your son got hit by a drunken driver. He’s dead.

Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?

I really hit the mother lode with you!

Yesterday I bought my daughter a cat, but accidentally hit her with the car today. I have no idea what to do with the cat now.

If you hit an Indian person on the forehead with a dart, is it considered a bullseye?

What was the weather forecast when the planes hit the World Trade Center? Partly cloudy with scattered passengers!

Weed: *gets hit by his own power*

Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?

Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?

I don't got a pencil or pen in this bookbag. Added like ten to the clip 'cause it look bad. Don't give a fuck if you pissed, nigga, get mad. Or you can bitch and get killed with your bitch ass. Lil' bro got blood on his shirt with his Crip ass. Go write a diss and get murked, don't do shit ass. Bitch, I'm a star, I might burst with my stiff ass. Hop out the car like, "Who want it? Who with that?" I don't know nothin', I was gone when they did that. Bandana wrapped where my chrome and my wig at. If he want beef, hit his home with a Big Mac. Niggas be breakin' the code like a Kit-Kat. Runnin' your mouth like a ho get you bitch-slapped.

What is the difference between R Kelly and Kelly Clarkson?

R Kelly hits on preteens, Kelly Clarkson hits on toddlers.

A man comes to a bar and has a drink. Then his bully came to him and stole his drink. Then the bully asked, "What's wrong?"

The man said that "I'm trying to kill myself. I tried getting hit by a train, but the train went on a different track. Then I tried to jump off a bridge, but I fell on a boat full of pillows. Then I tried to poison myself."

Then the bully says, "Then what?" Then the man replied, "You just drank it." Then the man left.

Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.

Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.

Why can't Indians play baseball? Because every time they hit a corner, they open a shop.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an emo bitch?

The Twin Towers hit the ground.

What is the world's strongest material?

The tree that Paul Walker hit.

Yo mama so strict that when Ponyboy told her that Darry hit him, she called the cops on Darry.

What did the Twin Towers say when they saw the airplane?

Batter up!

"You're really hot, I wanna hit on you like the plane hit the Twin Towers."

So recently I hit an orphan with a 2x4, and he started crying. What's he gonna do? Tell his family? XD

The ball kept getting bigger and bigger...

And then it hit me.

What do the Twin Towers and Angry Birds' pigs have in common?

They always getting hit.

Joe: What do the Leafs and the Titanic have in common?

Ben: I don't know.

Joe: They both look good until they hit the ice.