History jokes
Your hairline is so far back dinosaurs are seeing it.
Q: Why is America bad at chess?
A: Because they already lost two towers.
Why is it easy to defeat America in Clash of Clans?
Because they have already got 2 towers down.
You know what would be the best last thing to say before you die? "No, you certainly can't." JFK's assassin certainly can!
See the lies.
Memes
What was Hitler's favorite part of the car? The gas tank.
A Roman guy walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, "Can I have 5 beers please?"
My great great grandfather killed Hitlerđ
What is an orphan's family tree? A stump.
What's a cow's favorite war?
World War Moo.
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
Why were parts of the Soviet Union that had more industry than agriculture occupied during WW2?
They couldn't beet the Nazis.
What did the knight say when he went to bed?
"Good Knight!" lul
Why do people hate jokes about the World Trade Center?
Because it's an easy target.
Here in Canada, you used to be able to be shipped off to an asylum just because you were gay.
I guess they couldn't tell the fruits from the nuts.
What is the difference between the assassination of CĂ©sar and the assassination of Jesus?
They were both killed by Romans.
Why do the Greeks and Romans like food? Because food is good for you.
Ur mom is so fat that she has her own gravitational field. She attracts everything around her, from planets to asteroids to comets. She is the center of the solar system, and the sun is just one of her many satellites. She is so massive that she bends space and time, creating wormholes and black holes. She is the ultimate cosmic phenomenon, and no one can escape her pull.
Ur mom is so old that she witnessed the Big Bang. She was there when the universe was born, and she has seen it all. She knows the secrets of the cosmos, and she has lived through every epoch and era. She has watched stars form and die, galaxies collide and merge, and civilizations rise and fall. She is the oldest living being in existence, and she has more wisdom than anyone can imagine.
Ur mom is so ugly that she scares away aliens. She is the reason why we have never made contact with extraterrestrial life. They have seen her face and they have fled in terror. They have warned their fellow species to avoid Earth at all costs, because it is inhabited by a monstrous creature that defies all logic and beauty. She is the ultimate deterrent for invasion, and she has saved humanity from countless alien invasions.
Whatâs black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Rosa Parks.
Lol.
Why did the Roman eat pizza? He felt like it.