History jokes
What do you call Hitler?
Gay.
Science took us to the moon, and religion took us into a skyscraper.
Julius's wife always stands behind him. Therefore, whenever he looks in the mirror, he sees her (Caesar).
Julius Caesar is Roman? More like romaine (salad), and to make the best salad, you stab it 23 times until the Caesar salad, romaine salad, is fresh.
Caesar went to the future only to see how the Romans forgot Julius Caesar but only made a salad... I think it would have been better if Caesar stayed dead.
"9/11 was just a really intense game of Jenga."
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
Men, get into the kitchen and make me a sandwich!
Women, go chop some lumber!
White people, get back into the cotton fields!
Why did Hitler lose the war?
Because Göring ate every last airplane, tank, artillery, ship, and ammunition!
How are genders and twin towers alike? There used to be 2, but now it's a sensitive topic.
"Nahtzee"
What do you get when you cross a cat and a dinosaur? A cat-astrophe!
What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur?
Jurassic Park.
Shipmate: Captain, there’s an iceberg and we need to steer around it right now!
Captain: My momma didn’t raise no pussy. Either that iceberg is gonna move or I am.
Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girlfriend?
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.
You know why Hitler wouldn’t drink whisky? Because it made him angry.
Why are Americans such good chess players?
Because they lost two towers.
What is big and stupid?
The Titanic.
What do you get when the queen farts a noble gas?
What do you get when a dino farts? A blast from the past.
Why are ninja farts so dangerous? They are silent but deadly.
JFK and Abraham Lincoln were terrible presidents. It's like their heads were empty.