History jokes
Caesar went to the future only to see how the Romans forgot Julius Caesar but only made a salad... I think it would have been better if Caesar stayed dead.
"9/11 was just a really intense game of Jenga."
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
Men, get into the kitchen and make me a sandwich!
Women, go chop some lumber!
White people, get back into the cotton fields!
You know why Hitler wouldn’t drink whisky? Because it made him angry.
Why are Americans such good chess players?
Because they lost two towers.
Why did Hitler lose the war?
Because Göring ate every last airplane, tank, artillery, ship, and ammunition!
What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur?
Jurassic Park.
Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girlfriend?
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.
"Nahtzee"
What do you get when you cross a cat and a dinosaur? A cat-astrophe!
How are genders and twin towers alike? There used to be 2, but now it's a sensitive topic.
What is big and stupid?
The Titanic.
Shipmate: Captain, there’s an iceberg and we need to steer around it right now!
Captain: My momma didn’t raise no pussy. Either that iceberg is gonna move or I am.
What do you get when the queen farts a noble gas?
What do you get when a dino farts? A blast from the past.
Why are ninja farts so dangerous? They are silent but deadly.
JFK and Abraham Lincoln were terrible presidents. It's like their heads were empty.
You know what would be the best last thing to say before you die? "No, you certainly can't." JFK's assassin certainly can!
See the lies.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
*slaps* "We ask ze questions!"
Why is it easy to defeat America in Clash of Clans?
Because they have already got 2 towers down.