History jokes

What do you get when you cross a cat and a dinosaur? A cat-astrophe!

You know why Hitler wouldn’t drink whisky? Because it made him angry.

Why are Americans such good chess players?

Because they lost two towers.

What is big and stupid?

The Titanic.

How are genders and twin towers alike? There used to be 2, but now it's a sensitive topic.

Why did Hitler lose the war?

Because Göring ate every last airplane, tank, artillery, ship, and ammunition!

What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur?

Jurassic Park.

Shipmate: Captain, there’s an iceberg and we need to steer around it right now!

Captain: My momma didn’t raise no pussy. Either that iceberg is gonna move or I am.

Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girlfriend?

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.

What do you get when the queen farts a noble gas?

What do you get when a dino farts? A blast from the past.

Why are ninja farts so dangerous? They are silent but deadly.

JFK and Abraham Lincoln were terrible presidents. It's like their heads were empty.

Here in Canada, you used to be able to be shipped off to an asylum just because you were gay.

I guess they couldn't tell the fruits from the nuts.

Jeffery Epstein killed Hitler.

Yeah, I keep telling everyone 9/11 jokes, but they all just crash and burn.

Yo mama so fat that when she went in the ocean, Spain claimed her for new land.

Why is the sinking of Titanic different to sinking rapboat?

Titanic sinking was a tragedy, rapboat sinking is fucking funny.

Read the name.

Joke: It felt good going through those Twin Towers!

What is white, blue eyed, blonde haired and somehow was made in Galilee during the Roman occupation?

An Italian Renaissance painting that was carbon dated.

How do you call a very long terrorist?

9/11.

Why did Hitler kill himself? Because the air was gas.