History jokes
Why is it easy to defeat America in Clash of Clans?
Because they have already got 2 towers down.
Q: Why is America bad at chess?
A: Because they already lost two towers.
Ppnutty68 is JFK's vice senior Ohio president.
My great great grandfather killed Hitler😌
What is an orphan's family tree? A stump.
What was Hitler's favorite part of the car? The gas tank.
A Roman guy walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, "Can I have 5 beers please?"
Your hairline is so far back dinosaurs are seeing it.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
*slaps* "We ask ze questions!"
Friend: Ooo, I see Jessica.
Me: Nice.
Friend: She got some red on her shirt.
Me: Yeah, that's where the Titanic hit her :///
What do you call a kid that’s cold and his name is war?
Cold War.
Why do the Greeks and Romans like food? Because food is good for you.
What is the difference between the assassination of César and the assassination of Jesus?
They were both killed by Romans.
Ur mom is so fat that she has her own gravitational field. She attracts everything around her, from planets to asteroids to comets. She is the center of the solar system, and the sun is just one of her many satellites. She is so massive that she bends space and time, creating wormholes and black holes. She is the ultimate cosmic phenomenon, and no one can escape her pull.
Ur mom is so old that she witnessed the Big Bang. She was there when the universe was born, and she has seen it all. She knows the secrets of the cosmos, and she has lived through every epoch and era. She has watched stars form and die, galaxies collide and merge, and civilizations rise and fall. She is the oldest living being in existence, and she has more wisdom than anyone can imagine.
Ur mom is so ugly that she scares away aliens. She is the reason why we have never made contact with extraterrestrial life. They have seen her face and they have fled in terror. They have warned their fellow species to avoid Earth at all costs, because it is inhabited by a monstrous creature that defies all logic and beauty. She is the ultimate deterrent for invasion, and she has saved humanity from countless alien invasions.
What’s black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Rosa Parks.
Lol.
Nobody:
Titanic: sYnCccCc
Iceberg: yAaaYeEee
People: yAaanOooO
Ocean: fUuudD
Why did the Roman eat pizza? He felt like it.
The most famous line from Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar is “Et tu, Brute?”
Why can’t he just speak plain English?
What’s the difference between Jesus and a plank of wood?
A plank of wood can take nails to the extremities without screaming.
Did you know that Helen Keller had a twin?
Yeah, Helen ate her in the womb.