History

History jokes

Occupation

What is white, blue eyed, blonde haired and somehow was made in Galilee during the Roman occupation?

An Italian Renaissance painting that was carbon dated.

Twin Towers

Twin Towers

WOW! I CAN SEE THE TWIN TOWERS FROM HERE.

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    • Gay

    Here in Canada, you used to be able to be shipped off to an asylum just because you were gay.

    I guess they couldn't tell the fruits from the nuts.

    Memes

    History memes

    Tragedy

    Why is the sinking of Titanic different to sinking rapboat?

    Titanic sinking was a tragedy, rapboat sinking is fucking funny.

    Assassination

    What is the difference between the assassination of César and the assassination of Jesus?

    They were both killed by Romans.

    Food

    Why do the Greeks and Romans like food? Because food is good for you.

    Mom

    Ur mom is so fat that she has her own gravitational field. She attracts everything around her, from planets to asteroids to comets. She is the center of the solar system, and the sun is just one of her many satellites. She is so massive that she bends space and time, creating wormholes and black holes. She is the ultimate cosmic phenomenon, and no one can escape her pull.

    Ur mom is so old that she witnessed the Big Bang. She was there when the universe was born, and she has seen it all. She knows the secrets of the cosmos, and she has lived through every epoch and era. She has watched stars form and die, galaxies collide and merge, and civilizations rise and fall. She is the oldest living being in existence, and she has more wisdom than anyone can imagine.

    Ur mom is so ugly that she scares away aliens. She is the reason why we have never made contact with extraterrestrial life. They have seen her face and they have fled in terror. They have warned their fellow species to avoid Earth at all costs, because it is inhabited by a monstrous creature that defies all logic and beauty. She is the ultimate deterrent for invasion, and she has saved humanity from countless alien invasions.

    Jesus

    What’s the difference between Jesus and a plank of wood?

    A plank of wood can take nails to the extremities without screaming.

    Line

    The most famous line from Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar is “Et tu, Brute?”

    Why can’t he just speak plain English?

    People

    People often ask me what I would do for a Klondike bar. Well, I'd straight up put 5 hijackers on Flight 175 before it departed from Logan Airport at 8:14 a.m. on September 11, 2001.