History jokes
What did the people who cracked the Liberty Bell get for breaking it?
The no-bell prize.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where’s Trump’s clock?"
"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.
What's an old Japanese man's last words?
"Hey, that cloud looks like a mushroom, or is it just me?"
9/11 was pretty great to me, it's just hilarious to watch people lose at Jenga.
lmao why do people think they can fly?
What’s the difference between a Mercedes and a Skoda?
Princess Di wouldn’t be seen dead in the back of a Skoda...
Why were the Twin Towers angry?
Because they ordered pepperoni, but they only got plane!
It's not nice to make 9/11 jokes. My uncle died in 9/11...
He was one of al qaeda's best pilots.
The Romans conquered Africa, they conquered Europe, they conquered Britain, then they stopped. They probably ran out of conkers.
If 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9, then why was 10 afraid? Because it was right in the middle of 9/11.
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A mega-sore-ass.
You telling me Julius Caesar, who has been dead for well over 50 years, made this salad?
Q. What is the Titanic's favorite food?
A. Ice burger.
What do you call a dinosaur with a cowboy hat and cowboy boots?
A Tyrannosaurus Tex.
What is the difference between Jesus and a painting? It only takes 1 nail to hang a painting!
Heard the Helen Keller single? It’s called ERRRRRAGHHH!!!
What is a black person's least favorite word game?
Hangman.
What did the chef on the Titanic scream as he tried to finish the dishes? "Oh no, the sink sank!"
I hate when people make jokes about the Twin Towers.
My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.
My balls are high, just like the towers, but when something impales them, they begin to sag.