History jokes
"Lizzie Borden took an axe. And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one."
Why are Americans so bad at chess? Cause they lost 2 towers.
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for. He replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. He said that Mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincoln's once, and George Washington's never.
The man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Biden's is the one keeping the hurricanes to speed.
So we all know why 6 was afraid of 7, because 7 ate 9, but why was 10 scared? It was in between 9/11.
Why did Hellen hate when her dad yelled at her?
Oh wait, she didn’t know! 🤣🤣
My grandfather died in 9/11.
He was a great pilot.
I suffered The Great Depression.
When you met her first before your parents met each other. (In the case of your mom dating her dad).
Friend: Ooo, I see Jessica.
Me: Nice.
Friend: She got some red on her shirt.
Me: Yeah, that's where the Titanic hit her :///
You can't say Hitler was a bad person. He did kill Hitler after all.
Why can't America play chess?
Because it lost two towers.
Why are Americans bad at chess? Because they lost two towers.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
*slaps* "We ask ze questions!"
What's the difference between a painting and Jesus?
A painting only needs one nail.
How does Moses brew his coffee?
He brews it.
Ohh my god, it's a dinosaur with a huge ass mothafuckin' noseeee!!!!
What were my great grandpa's last words?
"SHIT MG42!!!"
Did you know there was a record for the quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds.
Your hairline's so far back even Rosa Parks refused to sit there.
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common?
Once they're gone, they never come back.