History jokes
I smell ice a mile. Titanic, I want to iceberg.
Q: What does Abraham Lincoln have in common with a poor quality pirated movie?
A: They were both shot in a theater.
What did Helen Keller do when she fell down a well?
Screamed till her hands fell off.
When you're going to Titanic: It's the best ship in the world.
When you know it's sinking: It's the poor ship!
Q. What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? A. Same middle name! đ
Bus driver: Please give your seat to the white person.
Rosa Parks: Ok.
Bessie Coleman - I don't want to be a flier cause I am African American.
Why did England beat Germany in World War Two?
Scissors beat paper.
Cesar: What was that good salad called?
Servant: Ceaser, Cesar.
Cesar: Okay, what's going to be the weather like?
Servant: Hail, Cesar.
Cesar: Yes, I know "Hail Cesar," but I need to know what the weather's like!
Servant: Well, it's hail, Cesar.
Cesar: AHHHHH! Send him to the DUNGEONS! NOW!
What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?
Redundant.
*World War 2 going on and then stops.*
Me: "I guess you would say it was a gory-ious battle."
I was in social studies class and I was taking an exam and I couldnât remember a lot of the information and everyone looked up shocked. A white kid holding a gun said, âYouâre about to become history.â I almost forgot that we werenât supposed to have any lessons that day.
Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?
Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.
what's the difference between hitler and you?
one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.
Why did the Titanic sink? It loved the iceberg!
When I was on the Titanic, I got broken.
JFK was one of the most open-minded presidents. It really blows my mind how great he was.
I named my iPod "Titanic." It's syncing now.
Chesley, in horror, runs out of the cockpit of the plane coming from London, "I'm so very sorry, everyone. I punched the wrong buttons, and we are heading to DC instead of New York, and we are about to run out of fuel." He opens the door and turns around to the five passengers and exclaimed, "I've parachutes but miscounted. We only got four for the passengers." He jumps off.
Donald faced the other four and orders:
"I'm the greatest leader of the world, and I'll make the decision. Tony, you go first. Our country needs you. The whole wide world needs you. Pandemic is raging."
Tony jumps off.
"Francis, my friend, you go next. Pandemic is ravaging the mind and body of millions. Their soul needs saving. Save Vladimir's and Xi's for me."
Francis jumps off.
Hillary faced Donald furiously. "Who are you to make decisions for us? I should have been president. I'm the smartest woman in the whole world in history."
Hillary jumps off.
Donald gazed at the young woman and started talking: "I'm an old man. I have already lived a full life - beautiful wives, children, just a beautiful life. Just beautiful. I've become president of the most powerful country, the most beautiful, the richest. Regrets? I've made a few but did it my way. Greta, go on. Your future is bright. I just wish I can make my country great again and have the chance to help save the world with you. I believe in second chances. Look at my bankruptcies, believe me. And I wish I've played more golf and..."
Greta interjected, "Just shut the f* up. The plane is about to crash. Let's go and save the world. The smartest woman in history took my backpack!"
Who discovered Africa? Africos Nandos.